POEMS GROUP 15: OBFVSCATIO

OBFVSCATIO - HAESITATIO I:

GONE

Gone, not won
Gone, undone
Gone, deeds none
Gone, now run

Days all passed
Days all past
Days so fast
Days won't last

Nights so still
Nights so shrill
Nights born ill
Nights to fill

Time so vain
Time in strain
Time in pain
Time so plain

Is it bright
Is it light
Is it night
Is it fight

Now to flee
Now to plea
Now to see
Now to be

September 5th, 2000

OBFVSCATIO - HAESITATIO II:

FAKE

Fake
Forsake
Take
Don't Make
Wait not
See
Never flee
Twist
Around
Turn
All fake

Free
And
Frank
Black
And
White
Mix
Converge

Lost all color
Shades of Grey
Blah blah blah
Clear you see
All so curled
All so colored
Colors
All around

Blind you were
See you now
Altered views
Altered lives

Pretend
Survive
The truth
You see
Or not
Disguise
Deceive
Protect

Obfuscate
And live
All around
Shadows but
Substance hidden
Sight obscured
Turning
Fake

September 13th, 2000

OBFVSCATIO - HAESITATIO III:

A REFLECTION ON EVIL

EXPOSITION:

PRAELVDIVM
PARS PRIMA: SVBIECTVM
EVENTVM PRIMVM: NOTIO
PARS SECVNDA: DOMINANS
EVENTVM SECVNDVM: ADVENTVS
PARS TERTIA: VARIATIO PRIMA
EVENTVM TERTIVM: SPECVLVM
PARS QVARTA: VARIATIO SECVNDA
EVENTVM QVARTVM: SVB NOCTEM
PARS QVINTA: VARIATIO TERTIA
POSTLVDIVM

PRAELVDIVM

Days without asking
Days without thinking
Days without substance
Gone in a blink

Days of no concept
Days of no future
Days of no fire
Not fixed in ink

Days just in nothing
Days just in dreaming
Days just in faking
All so deranged

Days, all denying
Days, never crying
Days, never laughing
Time just gone by

Nowhere an answer
Nowhere a question
Nowhere a growing
Empty your showing

Days without traces
Days of no places -
Where are you going,
Where have you been?

PARS PRIMA: SVBIECTVM

All in your knowing
All in your showing
All in your saying,
Pretending, betraying,
All in your hoping,
With nothing quite coping,
And all this inside you
The questions which drive you
The answers so hidden
All joy so forbidden
As pain is a fashion
Not seen as a lesson
But mindless accusing
And forceful abusing
And nothing the same now
That's all in your lying,
For nothing has changed
And never it will,
This knowing, where are you?
This knowing, what drives you?
So where are you going?
And where have you been?

EVENTVM PRIMVM: NOTIO

et nunc
initiis primis
verbis cautis
te videmus
arbitramur
facimus
imaginem
speciem -
sed fallax est
et fallax es -
et post initia haud vera
capimur et capiemur
capti sumus verbis tuis
loquax, nobis loqueris
loquax levisque
sermo tuus
sed notio
obscura manet -
et quando sic apparebit
mors tunc portas:
θανατόφορος
quo vadis?
ubi fuis? [2]

PARS SECVNDA: DOMINANS

Soaking
Invoking
Striking
Indicting
Daring
Not Sharing
Staring
Not caring
Going
Not halting
Screaming
Not pausing
Destroying
Annoying
Intimidating
Undertaking?
Challenging?
Endeavoring?
Voyaging?
Discovering?
So wake
And make.

EVENTVM SECVNDVM: ADVENTVS

specta
audi
adventus est
habitu suo
omnia portans
portans tempora tunc ultra
praeterita - et futura
ubi fuit - et quo vadit -
tempora locique portat
trans regionem mentis tui
videns
audiens
regnabit
ducebit
cupiditates suas
eum ipsem
ducens
in te
scito
scis
sci
fuis
vadis. [3]

PARS TERTIA: VARIATIO PRIMA

I.
Days without asking
Days without thinking
Days without linking
Days without grasping
All is now going
Randomly showing
Showing the prospects
Showing the past
Past all in vain
Vanity finding
To vanity clinging
In vain all to seem
And vain all so seeming
And seeming so vain
So clear
This all
And clear the fall?
And vain all thought,
To nothing brought?
To nothing turns?
From nothing all
To seem right from?
And days not lived
A shadow but -
And where to come
Is where to go?

II.
And places narrowly confine
The truth thought hidden in sublime
The truth of days a truth of night
And nothing here prepared to fight
And dark like night the days now past
And distant questions never asked
And distance gets to be the rule -
And distance sublimates all cruel
And distance reglements all thought -
So nothing past again then fought
And past the tremors now unleashed -
And everyone just now besieged
And all what distant seemed so clear
Has painfully now struck with fear
And distant monsters show their face
And cravingly begins the race
And history a battlefield
That answers once so clear to yield
A tomb become and books are shut
And all connexions seem now cut.

III.
And all the caging gone anew
And thoughts that long ago so flew
Unleashed again and hit the ground
And unprepared now all so found
And joyously, the dark returns
And truth, afraid, her case adjourns
What hidden once is brought to sight
And darkness mixed with brightest light
And shadows, hiding all, descend
And knowledge lost and thoughts now bent
And dust not settles any more
The pyramids of life they tore
And tore apart and fear is might
And nowhere safe a place for flight
And terrors past come close this day -
This day that not a thing will stay
This day of terror so infused
This day of horror unaccused
This day of grinning masks begun -
This day of death and silent stun.

IV.
And all repeats what long thought gone
And all too shocked to start to run
And neverwhere a soul to stand
And neverwhere a helping hand?
This house of horror all consumes
And fakingly false facts illumes
And casts its shadow laughingly
And madness now a place to see
A place once hidden far away
Has hit now home and is to stay
The death is cast and fire's prey
And soon appears so cursed this day
And all unfolded here again
Which once to hide a clever plan
But nothing hidden stays in time
And hidden only the sublime
But horrors foolishly embraced
And devils cowardly not chased
No law can ban, no book encage -
So deep inside stays howling rage.

V.
And lies exposed and new are made
And all reflections soon might fade
And dreams deep down anew to see -
And nightmares nevermore to flee -
And flight to take is time so lost
And flight to take too high a cost
But where to flee?
And where to stay?
This day so lost,
A day disjoint
And hard a day just to avoid,
A day of answers not,
Of silence,
Silence a fake,
Silencing wake
Days running out
Time nears its end
Trust now so lost
Paths all so bent
Silently
Approvingly
All gets a label,
Reality-faker,
Cataloged all,
May we all fall,
May we all falter,
Known is this scheme -
A myth never been -
Always at present
Man-made all times,
Age-old a craving,
Primal a haze.
Lost not the answers,
Lost not the key -
Lost just the spirit
And will, just to see -
And loudly now pounding
And loudly now sounding
The questions at hand
The thought so invoked -
So, where have you been?

VI.
And where are you going?
In silent a place
And peaceful surrounding
No sound
No reprisal
No forceful a pounding
No shaking
No trembling
No hard innovations
And all expectations
For better just turning
But failing to show:
All anticipations
Are fooled innovations
And all easy answers
Just gone in a blink
And gone into hiding
The sense behind all
And blind shalt we be
And follow the piper
The Pied Piper
Let everything
Be over
Soon.

VII.
And then
The old man
Lifted up his eyes
And saw
The wayfarer,
The traveler,
In the street of the city
And the old man
Said to him:
Where are you going?
And whence do you come?[4]

VIII.
False friends
And false hopings
And don't you get out
And don't you let go
For otherwise
Everything
Will be over
Soon
And walk you outside
And walk to the desert
Right into your grave
So, don't you now see?
And why don't you flee?
There's Death
Outside.

IX.
All in your knowing
All in your showing
All in your saying,
Pretending, betraying,
All in your hoping
And silent invoking
Turning to stun
And leads to the end
And pain is a fashion
Not seen as a lesson -
There might be a chance,
A secret just waiting,
And hope in this dating
And hopefully mating
But there is no answer
That still is unknown:
You know.
And see.
Don't want
To go.

X.
And don't want to join.
But pushed now you are.
So this is the end,
Your only friend,
The one outside
The one with the laugh
And neat preparation
And shallow sensation
His music so pounding
The music so sounding
A rhyme, pounding rhythm
Is pushing you forward,
This music
Of the night,
And grasps now your hand.
So this is the end.
You know it, you see it,
And know you can't flee it.
But know still your past -
And know all these days
So empty and vast
And vain such a living
And empty your giving -
A case file you'll be
And that's what you are.
Where are you going -
The answer's outside -
And where have you been -
That's now in behind.

XI.
And now from behind you
The cold hand of death
The cold grasp will bind you
And shove you and guide you
And lend you his hand,
His Red Right Hand,
And pounding your heart
And pounding, so hard,
It knows now its future
And knows it will stop -
And howls deep inside now
And cries to incite you
To stay where you are.
But somehow you smile
Prepare for the ride
And into the night
The trip has to go.
So, now will you show,
Now will you know:
Where are you going.
Where have you been.

XII.
All judging,
All asking
And all silly masking
Now gone in a blink
Deprived and invaded
And shrieking in pain
Inside you the other
Consume you it will
And slowly you'll lose
And go into hiding
And don't see its face.
The evil inside you -
And silently moving
A hold now you're seeking -
Blood -
The places you've been
The places you've seen
The places to be
There's no place to flee
And soon will you see
That these are just stories
And stories they stay.
So what are you doing
And what have you done?
The words to become
And words to distrust
All fade into black
So see you the climax -
So see you the end -
So see you the staging -
And gone is your breath.

EVENTVM TERTIVM: SPECVLVM

tempus
notionum
verborum
actuum
tempus istud
tempus fallax
fallax speculum
speculum fractum
fractum
noctu
ambulabis
venaberis
vivos
frequentans eos
fati tui causa
vitae fractum speculum - haud verum -
percussoris speciei nunc plena
manens
expectans
sed nihil
factum est
nihil
facere potes -
speculum humanum
criminis speculum
speculum iustitiae
historiae
forma pulchra
mortua es. [5]

PARS QVARTA: VARIATIO SECVNDA

I.
Days without asking
Days without thinking
Days without mercy
Days without seeing
Hindsight not seeking -
All is the now
Nothing the past
Nothing the future
Now is the time
Now, without waiting,
No obligations
No innovations
Time is no key
Space neither now -
All is so flowing
Endlessly growing
Endlessly showing
Darkly a might
Stark such a contrast
Takes it now flight
Takes it now action
Where are you going
Where have you been

II.
Mind into silence
Thoughts into craving
Logic but pure
Neat preparations
Shallow inflations
Timely approach
Don't miss a button
Don't miss a shoelace
Don't miss your mole
Don't let it go
Don't even falter
No one must know
No one to see -
Inside you the haze
Outside, silent gaze
And normal a showing
Thus perfect a picture
And start your own show -
And everything fits
And so now, outside,
Right into the night
Right into the shadows
Blend in, don't you lose it -
The prey is outside
The hunter you are.

III.
Your feet know no stopping
The crop seems quite right
No fangs and no horns
No wings and no thorn
No tentacles, head bumps
No feet like a beast -
No tail, neither sulphur
And flames not your breath -
The monster's inside you
The darkness that guides you
Right put in your heart -
And you, you adorn it
And feel so important
And strong and a god -
A judge now you are,
The ways of the world
Not yours but of sheep -
Select now you will
And aim for the kill.

IV.
The street now is yours -
The faces so busy
And wrapped in their worries
And in-nocent are
For unknowing all
Don't know of their fall
Don't know of their end
And soon, you have seen
And spotted and smelled
And lust so propelled,
Your bait seems so sweet,
A nice, pleasant sheep,
A gift to the world -
And knows she?
For sure.
So take her you will
And show
She'll know
She'll beg
She'll run
She'll fall
She'll die.

V.
O, where are you going?
Doest know you this game?
A fool so you are
A pitiful creep -
You know this, you do,
But this is the key.
Pathetic a loser,
Perspective so lost
But this now, that's diff'rent
A chance now to surge -
And grown now you seem
And where you have been
Is lost to your mind
And where you are going
For that you are blind.
Don't see you the signs
Don't see you the prospects,
All insight so hidden -
This lets you believe
And come to her home
And lead her outside
Which gives you the thrill
And strange vindication.

VI.
And soon make her going
And soon you are showing
The might you have got
The might you have gotten -
A might not your own
You move like a puppet,
A puppet, too, moving,
A blind leads the blind
But once this is over
The mind sees it clear
And howl you inside
And shake then you will -
The judge not you are
But just stupid tool
And doing the trick
So dog-like, so bound -
A slave but you are
Your victim now free
But you are now caught
And further you sink
And sink by yourself -
And still, you don't know -
Where are you going
Where have you been.
Wake!

EVENTVM QVARTVM: SVB NOCTEM

manens
tranquillitate
malacia
mens nunc fluitans
tempestatis medio
at circum te
nihil videns
nil audiens
sed nunc scis
inanitatem sentis
inani-logista, de inaniis inaniloquus
inanimus
inanimatur
inanitatem in te fluentem
clamat anima tua
inaniter
opera tua
ex mundi animo effluent
oblitteratur tute
oblitteratur vir
litura remanet
remanet monstrum
inanimus
animal sub-humanum
sub noctem
ubi fuis - ibi vadis [6]

PARS QVINTA: VARIATIO TERTIA

I.
Iudex ergo cum sedebit
Quidquid latet, apparebit,
Nil inultum remanebit.
What sure once, will falter,
What sheltered, will fall,
What homeward-bound, flee,
What wand'ring, return -
There's nothing to hold here,
There's nothing to use -
And all built on matter
Will fall once, for sure,
And crush in this light -
And dust it become -
And nothing remains
For nothing there was
And nothing there'll be -
A vampire like,
Their blood so is cold,
Their body long dead,
The night is their fellow,
The daylight their pain -
And shallow their being -
And cold so inside -
And all that remains
Is dusty old ashes
And deeds so abhorred -
So go now, sweet baby,
So go now outside -
An angel you'll be
An angel you are
Light's messenger just
Just pure, white and plain -
What's done now upon you
Will fall unto him -
The death-bearer,
The angel of darkness
And angel of sorrows
And angel of death -
Your heart, immature,
Will surge while his dies -
And all will be over soon,
Nothing to worry,
Nothing to care,
Hush now, sweet baby,
Soon will you sleep,
Rest then you may,
Rise to the stars:
His is the sin,
Darkness his kin,
Darkness his choice -
No monster un-human,
No fairy-tale creep:
A human he is,
A choice thus he has,
The deeds are his own
And his just to stay.

II.
All in your knowing,
All in your showing,
All this inside you,
Nothing can hide you,
Soaking, invoking,
With nothing quite coping,
Daring, not sharing,
And all is now going,
Showing the past,
Where you have been -
Showing the future,
Where you are going -
All now so said,
Vain so to seem,
Vanity-filled,
By vanity killed
And hopes so are gone -
Now, angels, so join,
And darkness with light
To shadows converge -
But don't you be fooled -
The spark now gets lost
And cold it's to be.

III.
A child so you've been
And child-like you've seen
A child's steps you've made
In child's clothes you fared
And child-like your laughter
And child-like your gaze -
And child-like your story
And child-like your stumbling
And child-like your talking
And child-like your going -
A child's life behind
That's where you have been;
The harsh light of day
That's where you are going:
Just into the light
Surrounded by darkness -
And hand in hand
You angel of light
You angel of darkness
And both take your flight.

POSTLVDIVM

Nights without asking
Nights without thinking
Nights without substance
Gone in a blink

Nights of no concept
Nights of no future
Nights of no fire
Not fixed in ink

Nights just in nothing
Nights just in dreaming
Nights just in faking
All so deranged

Nights, all denying
Nights, never crying
Nights, never laughing
Time just gone by

Nowhere an answer
Nowhere a question
Nowhere a growing
Empty your showing

Nights without traces
Nights of no places -
Where are you going,
Where have you been?

December 27th 2000

Endnotes for this Category

15.1.3. FVGA: