POEMS GROUP 24: SAMSARA

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES I:

MEHOW

I am just alone so
mehow

Imagining strange animals within my words.
here's looking at me
cat

looking for meaning
that may not be
here
there
anywhere

July 26th, 2014 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES II:

HOW CAN I LEAVE THIS PLACE

how can I leave this place
my home
my self:
my each and every fiber is from here
is of here
breathes it, walks it, knows it:

and yet,
I need to follow
the path that has unfolded for me

August 26th, 2014 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES III:

NORMAL

did it really just happen?
can this be real?

can I really be
normal?

is it really so
strange, even bad?

phases of life are
the funniest thing:

you almost always
automatically will enter them -

and yet, there's such confusion about them
abounding:

the circle of life
finally reaches its detractors:

but the biggest surprise,
that normal is normal:

a tough pill to swallow,
and a strange thing to realize:

and yet, it is, apparently,
normal

November 11th, 2014 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES IV:

IT HAUNTS ME

it haunts me
the idea of new poetry and art
in the midst of all the
quotidian
stuff:

November 30th, 2014 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES V:

MOVING ALONG

time moves ahead
not in a circle, maybe not even in a line
but ahead
in all our meanings
we'd like to impose on it,
time moves ahead
nowhere to stop
nowhere to wait
nowhere to recapitulate
what went on
in yet another artificially created alleged segment of time:

what is a year
but a slice of time
imbued by meaning
that isn't there:

all there is,
is restlessness, is moving along:
and all our doing,
how small it seems
next to the moving train of time

January 25th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES VI:

THE WORLD'S WITHOUT END

When I grew up, I was told a nice story.
Maybe rather a nice sounding story.
That because of the struggle of preceding generations,
life would continue to improve.
History could be predicted, designed, and created:
An ever-bolder trajectory towards the future:
And the future would always be better.

Once all this world came crushing down (1984 plus five)
the narrative would remain, the trajectory be changed a bit,
just as like having taken a wrong turn back then, we'd now have to correct it.

Justice for all.
Peace on Earth.
Equal treatment of all.
An end to starkest inequalities.
A nation, within nations, united, strong.
Leaving the planet behind, to boldly go.
The end of hunger, disease, needless suffering.
The growth of humanity, and the moral evolution of our species.
A new paradise, right beyond the horizon, we'll be there tomorrow.

There have been so many tomorrows.

And there have been so many achievements.

And yet, the horizon is still not reached.

Maybe, beyond the rainbow?

Maybe, in the undiscovered country?

Hope dies last.

the world is without end
and history continues, not thinking about what we might think
and what was grown, shall wither
what was built, collapse
what was achieved, undone
what was dreamed, forgotten

once we were happy,
we forgot how it was to be unhappy,
and we also forgot what to do
to become happy:

so, it seems, every generation has to rediscover
what had been discovered
before, and yet lost:

All else is hubris.

All there is, simply is.

World without end.
Et in saecula saeculorum.

March 1st / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES VII:

FORMER ARTIST

I feel that routine has taken over
work is inspiring anything but art
maybe, I should be calling it quits

Only through perseverance, duty and fear
do we succeed in work
in order to survive,
it appears

And art? For starving artists?

I do not want to starve.

Am I starving my art instead?

March 10th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES VIII:

CREATURE OF THE NIGHT

the night is young
and full of wonders ---

I used to think that,
a creature of the night

now, forced to work in daylight
I miss my darkness companion
and my artist self
conjoined with it

March 10th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES IX:

AN ORDINARY LIFE (PART 1)

Ordinary;
Want I be ordinary?
Can I be ordinary?
Don't get me wrong
This is not about classism
Or even passing
It's about how I really feel -
Can I relate with the ordinary Joe or Jane?
Can they to me?
Increasingly,
I am feeling that I am living the wrong life
Or live it wrongly:

How shall I know?

March 11th, 2015 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES X:

AN ORDINARY LIFE (PART 2)

all this complaining about
an ordinary life:

we're all so spoiled

March 15th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XI:

POETRY VAMPIRE

I have made a terrible mistake.
easily made one, though.
too easy, almost.

the assumption:
poetry comes out of the frustration with love,
and thrives on pain like a vampire

it follows:
if love is happily fulfilled,
poetry can no longer thrive on pain,
and is defunct

the challenge:
love poses a challenge for poetry to be answered,
whether love's requited or not

it follows:
poetry is no vampire,
but thrives on life,
and its stories,
and makes life better in return

I should function as a poet
what seemed sexier back then - in all the tales of love's labor lost -
was in deed a facile, juvenile, misapprehension, stupidity at work:
we need to see
that even in the darkest places
there are openings for love
there are potentials for love

there is love
waiting
in the wings
for us to realize
that love can win
love always wins
but a more broad and philosophic love

a philosophy, a love of wisdom
so clearly can we see
what language dictates
and clearly must we know
that in all our unhappiness
lies not a pity-party
but something more pithy is needed:
a critique of everything, including the critique itself
a recursive questioning of everything existing,
dear Karl,
for what but purpose?

simply,
to live
in order for things to make sense yet again,
or for the very first time;

a life without poetry is possible
yet useless,
thank you, Vicco^* and your pug.

April 12th / September 6th, 2015

^*Vicco von Bülow, a.k.a. Loriot, German comedian of everyday life, 1923-2011.

Loriot has famously said "Life without a pug is possible, but meaningless." Loriot's humor was deeply subversive and highly critical of (petit) bourgeouis values and philosophy - the same values Hannah Arendt famously saw as causes for National Socialism. Loriot showed the absurdity of Prussian values, of authoritarianism, of duty and following the rules without questioning - but he always did it in a loving and gentle way - with a touch of sexual subversion, and a twinkle in the eye.

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XII:

EVERYTHING CHANGES

we are not children anymore
(we hope?)

we are building "professional lives", "careers"
(we admit)

we build a family amongst all unpredictability
(we dream)

but we are happy, finally
(we lie to ourselves)

when will we wake up?

April 12th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XIII:

END LIFE CRISIS

just cleared out contacts from my database
people I used to know
years ago
in another life
on another continent

do I really have a new life now?

or is it just a stage before the end?

migration means loss
and I have lost, am losing so much,
and no: it cannot be rebuilt
people cannot be rebuilt
friendships cannot easily be resurrected
and whatever was complicated, a mystery becomes:

cleaning out lists of people I knew
means cleaning out lists of people I no longer know
my list becomes shorter
more local
immediate,
functional
till only one will remain

I am already thinking
about the age of these people in my book
one has died already; cannot bring myself to delete him -
I'm looking him in the face quite regularly;
a ghost now, a dearest mentor before:
yes, I have ghosts in my contact list
and I see dead people every day
their list will grow
they will become legion
till I will be
joint with them
again

it takes only a few more people for me to lose
for me to welcome death
even more

this world,
what have we done to it, what are we doing?

the die is cast;
now we just have to move our pieces.
decisions appear to have been made already.
what a relief.

April 18th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XIV:

JUST STOP

the constant barrage
the constrant hassle
the constant multitasking
of it all

I just need quiet
just need peace
just need space
to merely think

as I get old
I get less tolerant
of all the nonsense
in the way of sense

things need to calm down
for there are things going on
that I need to see, but cannot right now
imperceptible, they may be - and I need to be still to see them at all

life needs to stop
this all needs to pause
we all need to reconsider
what the hell we want with all this fucking crap annoying every fucking single one the ever fucking single way the crappy shitty fucking same ass way my dearest

make
it
fucking
stop

let
us
calmly
think

so that, eventually,
we'll be able to concentrate again
be of real use to a needy world
and come up with a real solution - arrived after quiet, solid, deliberation!

May 10th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XV:

WHEN YOU AGE

When you age, people assume you are grown up, you have matured. Yet you are just the same child inside, the same scared child, because even though time moved on, it moved on faster than you would have liked. When you see an old person, you really see a young person in an old person's mask - but the mask cannot be taken off anymore. All the fragility, all the fear, all the uncertainty, it is still there - and getting worse.

June 3rd / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XVI:

THE PREFERRED STATE

the preferred state
is insanity
absolute honesty
no holds are barred
no bars will hold
the insanity
will continue
quite unhindered
after the hindrance:

for it is about freedom
to seek the thoughts
the body prohibits us from seeing:
unless otherwise excited

June 17th / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XVII:

THEY'RE WATCHING ME

they're watching me
left and right, out of the corner of the eye -
and I believe, I hear voices, but this may sleep deprivation be talking here
what did you say? where are you going? where have you been?

in moments like these,
my I is frightened,
the superego shrugs the shoulders,
and the id is embracing all these new people

July 12th, 2015 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XVIII:

LINGERING FEELING

there is the lingering feeling
that this is not right
that something is missing
to put it in words
may not be possible, not well at all

August 7th, 2015 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XIX:

YOU JUST GO ON

you need a purpose

moments of transformation
are moments of realization:
once the conscious meets the subconscious
and the real meets the repressed
and the cooked meets the uncooked:

I have transformed;
something in me is cooked;
the information has been processed:
this is the new me, new quantity turned quality,
plainly, I've made my peace with who I think I am right now,
and I am not fighting against it anymore, at least for now

I am old now
I am getting used to things being a certain way
---------------------- to being in a certain place
---------------------- to doing a certain thing
---------------------- to being with another person
---------------------- to maybe losing another person
---------------------- to having to get used to loss

you just go on

August 15th, 2015 / September 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XX:

IT'S ALL JUST TEMPORARY

you may well think
this all will last
you may well try
to keep things together
you may well hope
for nothing ever to change:

it's all just temporary
all is in flux
you better remember:

and enjoy it while it lasts

it's always way too short

September 1st / 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XXI:

THE LITTLE THINGS

the little things
are sometimes quite the best
at making one's day
and if all this is temporary,
we all should seek to live a little
a lot

September 2nd / 6th, 2015

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XXIII:

GHOSTS

some of my once dearest friends
have grown unknown
and distant so

all of them important once,
and still:
and yet:
the reciprocal feeling seems gone

my life's not quite complete
with my once dearest friends
choosing to be strangers again.

September 20th, 2015 / March 9th, 2017

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XXII:

NIGHTFALL

what poems may well emerge in the deep of the night
that will tell me new things about this my world?

my strangest, unexpected life

the words are coming slowly so
what do I well expect at this hour

does an artist find their art
or vice versa?
am I too removed from inspiration?

whatever this is:
night has fallen
some time ago
may just as well then just give in
to sleep, perchance, to ...

October 10th, 2015 / March 9th, 2017

संसर (SAMSARA) - TRANSIENCES XXIV:

IN THE DARKNESS BUT

in the darkness but
we were
we are
we'll be
as quite unable we to see
all that was
all that's around us
all that'll ever be;
our scope is limited thus
so painfully
so out of touch
we are
with reality
with how the real
just comes to be
and how we are
a part of it
(genitum non factum?)

December 28th, 2015 / August 13th, 2016