Phil John Kneis:
SYLLOGY XXXI:
विद्या (VIDYAA) - PARAPETTI V:
Eichwalde / Berlin, May 23rd, 2006 - June 7, 2006 - P#338
fragment i
want I be
or want I seem?
want I every time to scream?
or just assume
it should suffice
if I just were
the way
I
am?
fragment ii
the whole
a mere construction
by its parts
hoping
to make sense:
sense but
a construction from the aftermath
the plan of life
we make just in retrospect
in a retrospect prospective:
a future perfective
guiding
the present:
a narrative
imposed
'pon what's to be told:
and us
the slaves
caught in the middle
'tween what's s'pposed to be
and what really is
fragment iii
if there's a problem,
talk to me,
if there's no problem,
talk to me,
nothing unsolved between us,
friendship's like marriage
a commitment
a love
a bond
sacred
better not betrayed
and better
be worked upon
constantly
with conviction
and in everything
but truth
fragment iv
the idea of love in friendship
a dangerous one
prevents it
an exit
all too premature
and final
the idea of love in friendship
a necessary one
(I'm drunk now, beware)
don't freak
(I may do)
I love you, you know that
you do feed my soul, fright'ningly so
and I'm a mess right now
I'm amiss right now
waiting
for nirvana
to take me
if not for ever
than at least
for this night
fragment v
enters this woman
this creation divine
a goddess in everything
gracing me
with her presence
and making all
good
(those but who say
women ain't goddesses
boy, are they wrong)
fragment vi
you're hard to forget
(you know that, my dearest)
and too far away
my energy's lost
I feel like I'm drained
and all here my thoughts
are drawn towards you
can't see they what's here
only
what's not
bummer
an amputation
that's what this is
and phantom pain
's not a phantom
at all
fragment vii
the light now gets starker
the keys hit much harder
though there's some poetry still
and has to be found
as so much 's still here
I'm moving now closer
the keyboard is there
some keys
some paths
to future texts unknown all
and behind it
the screen
interpreting
my every move
(the more drunk you are, the more fun?
or at least, let the pain be all forgotten
swallowed whole
inside)
come now
the insanity
the craze
the drive
something so alive it can almost speak on its own!
I feel like a hull
carried by that drive
to relieve me
of what I think I am
(what I think I was)
and grant me
a realization
of something more primal
something quite true (but well truer?)
(can truth even gain a comparative degree?)
truth! the general! one star truths! brigadier truths! two stars! three!
here come the stripes! a sergeant truth, a major one, probably more practical
and privates?
what about private truths?
truer still?
or just as true?
or simply true?
the light
gets it brighter?
not yet?
so fumbling with words
doesn't seem so much fun
as fumbling with the real deal
the primal one!
yes, there's a hierarchy of getting it on
it's simple so:
there's just either and there's none
tell the cavalry:
when insanity rides in on the white horse
let her pass
it's a Trojan one
Helena reminding Armageddon
it's all about sex
(she was talking with Sigmund)
fragment viii
I'm a fragment
of my soul
of my innermost
intentions
this fragment now
of the night
a solitary one
yet strongly suspecting its body to follow
could very much now
be dreaming
of going inside
that of another one
and a community of souls
needs a community of bodies
quite almost:
and one special body
it always quite needs:
that one
complementing
the own
and one special mind
it always quite needs:
that one
complementing
the own
here we go
confusedly
still
fragment ix
there are no absolutes
there's only
what want you live with? what not?
here, you see:
know yourself
that's all it quite takes
to find
all that matters
fragment x
the impossible love
is the love
you want read about
in poems
in books
in films
in all stories
the tragedy that elevates life
and makes it all
seem so much more
grand
the impossible love
is the love
you never should long for:
it might quite so be
you lose your self
and lose your mind
to the power
of feeling
and happiness:
the destructor of all
the faker
the maker
the striker:
for spiked is the drink of perfect happiness
with the substance of possession
the possession of substance
removes the substance
from what just is
to what can be had
and having had
well, you'll have been had
for a price now
total: your sanity
(morality, luckily, 's just a smokescreen anyway quite)
fragment xi
with fakeness
(hail to the fake! his will be done)
now clearly here established
(what's that noise next door? the shaking? the names being shouted?)
a scene of warfare
innermost
penetrating
the very castles
of the enemy
(simultaneously? no, but analogously, quite)
an admonishing? an admo-missioning a posture
an imperial one
to be unleashed:
and the question;
the question, my dear:
want live you
or be dead
already?
fragment xii
love
conquers all
life
wins it back
fragment xiii
life's always fragments just
never complete
never
complete-able
never
gonna be finished:
but over just
in the end
so
do cling I to
a crazy notion of finality
(the thought of something being finished at all)
or won't we
rather
accept the openness of being
the unbearable
lack
of direction
which is truth
(truth of mind
or truth of heart?)
(let's hope for both to coincide)
fragment xiv
shall miss you I here
now, being thrown back
to my solitude
and lack of all
that counts:
or most of it, anyway
fragment xv
I know
the romantic ideal in poetry
the cornerstone
of what's thought as poetic
yea
what do I care
ain't no convention gonna hold me
when talk of truth I
or of love
(or of the love of truth
or better even: the truth of love)
there are times,
it's supposed to be beautiful,
it's supposed to be nice
it's supposed to be good
but it can't
for another good
would have to be sacrificed:
how do you decide
in the face of
what's to be faced
(they say
all's fair
in love)
(well, love ain't fair
and love unrealized
gee, talk about fairness)
should I go on then
'bout the beauty of a rose
the scent of a woman
the smoothness of her touch
the firmness of her body
the glance in her eyes
the touch of her lips
the yearning
in her innermost desires:
or should I rather
lay bare
the drama
unfolding
in the battling of mind with mind
brain with body
thinking with feeling
furthermore,
why should I ruin
a perfect depression
that wouldn't make sense
and a bit of melodrama
hasn't hurt
(well, yes, it has)
but, boy, are we masochists
fragment xvi
wanna forget
this lonely night
let's fill her up
and down it flows
and come now
oblivion
fragment xvii
darn
I'm in hell
when in paradise
I so eas'ly should be
fragment xviii
I love you
and I really do
the friendship is good
the friendship's important
could there be something else?
I mean, yes, I love you
but I'm too shy
to really try
and too much I want to respect
the boundary upheld
by you
fragment xix
the catharsis
of love
a fire
burning
cleansing all
of what is right
and what is needed
of what has been
and what will come:
love
is the now
is the how
by which we survive:
without it
what are we?
and how could we be?
fragment xx
am
I
the way
I just was
should it suffice
if I just assumed
I wanted every time to scream?
so, want I seem
or want I be?
June 7th, 2006
| 
POEMS GROUP 21: VIDYAA
