POEMS GROUP 16: LOCVTIO

LOCVTIO - MIENS I:

NEAR AND FAR

The thundering clashing of water
Crushing down from cataracts high
You only can hear it
When you go near to it
When you allow yourself this:
To get near
And get involved.

The castle from far as it hovers up there
Near so and close to the sky
And the heavens
So beautiful just
Majestic a place
But nearing it,
What is this sight?
A broken old place
The contrasts obscured in the far
But once near it
It's broken apart
Unlively and old
And no place to near you at all.

The lion's a pussy
Just there, in the zoo,
A pet-cat like, yawning at you
For yours' is the city
And his the savannah
So don't you dare visit him there.

I've heard of a man
A hero in time
A grandseigneur, gentleman, Sir,
The sight is confection
And legends and lies
And near to him, what is this smell?
And where are his morals,
Aristo- and all?
His seat was a warm one,
His deeds just not vast
And near him, you'll see
A man just he is
And human he'll stay.

April 26th/29th, 2001

LOCVTIO - MIENS II:

CLOSE

Distant all so had to be
Distance just the sole protector
Sole a watcher of the I
Outside forces too unknown
Outside thoughts too strange and other
Trust a thing for fools to play with
Trust you can't - and trust is deadly
Takes away your barriers all
Takes away the walls that built you
Walls erected to protect
Walls just built against the other
'gainst a force that change could bring.

What's it worth, what's in it, anyway,
What's to see which isn't mine?
What's to see - was that your question?
Was it crushing distance then?
Was it fear for thoughts your own?
Was it masks that broke then should have?
Was it closeness, was it fear?
What's in distance that's so precious
What's in distance then but lies
Honesty's a game of trust
A game of barriers so lost
But walls to face, what is it worth
What is it worth to build that prison
Prison for your very soul.

Prison for whatever need you
Prison it in every part -
And don't deny it -
Don't you fear:
Loneliness
The price to pay
The weight to shoulder
Burden all.

Close your eyes and take your chances
Make the jump - and trust you can -
What's to lose - but what's to gain!
Don't you see it?
All's in vain
All's for nothing if you don't -
Shut it off, the world around you,
Close your paths and bridges all -
Soon you'll be a lone survivor
But your heart
Has died within.

June 22nd, 2001

LOCVTIO - MIENS III:

EXPOSITION:

THE BEFORE
THE NOW
THE AFTER

THE BEFORE

And so it begins,
Again,
And so let's recite,
Again,
And so then just tell,
Again,
And in the before
The answer to seek
That strike it now may
And move to the front -
And answers believed in,
The task then to be -
And answers, believing,
The task to define
The task now to tell
To tell their tale
Themselves almost,
Objecti-fied,
Quite authorized
And made just true enough to be -
And made just whole enough to see -
A golem like, just words that spoken,
Stumble they in real a shape
In real-made figure,
Fiction-fact,
Efficted factum ('s that a word?)
And then,
Again,
It all starts to move
The words have been formed
Have taken their form
De-formed now the minds
De-formed now the questions
De-formed the agendas and things in behind.

And so it begins!
What silent then was
Will thence come to speak
And hence we shall hear
And here now quite see -
Believing the lie -
For, as we all know:
All lies then to lead
To the truth
Out there
To the truth
That's not
To a truth
So believed in
So entangled
Invited
Believed to exist -
And now,
kai nun
The scheme shall repeat
Repeat but itself -
Repeat from itself, by itself, for its own -
An active, not passive -
Passivity past -
And action demanded -
"To make" is a primer
A motto, a myth -
But what, my friend, is it,
And what is to do?
What's then that we can do -
Can do we at all?

And so it begins?
What "it" does it be?
What "so" does it mean?
What is there to come? To start? To commence?
And then, what's before?
The truth?
Or just nil?
And, too, a "before"
Would need then a "now",
An "after" then, too -
And time is the name
The signified something
The signal or word,
The noun, just a name, just a nomen to start with -
A signifier just
Signifying what?
And then,
Do we know
A land before time?
A place beyond space?
A space-time that's - not?

And so it began.
What does that imply!
Is time just a given,
And past so unknown?
So human a concept!
Material all -
Just "time" - just a given?
Just "time" - and no clue?
For time equals death
And time equals birth
And time equals "life",
The thing in between -
The distance to crawl
The distance to make
The distance to fight -
The distance to break -
A time-walker we
Like sleep-walkers almost -
And all then to fit
To what we perceive?

THE NOW

Fractures thought so over now
Are returning now with might
Haunt the senses, all of them,
Haunt completely every step
Every line and every asking
Every singular a hope
Each new move in old so rooted
Each new sought initiative
Shallow seen
And empty-headed
As the day will end the same -
No conclusions here so working
Closure then the last at hand -
Misstepped I, or what went wrong?
What's the cause for this old havoc
To return now masterly
And stronger even than before
Strongest power now exerts me
Strongest will is taken now
All my thoughts again confined
All the chaos here returning
All once felt a shadow but
All seems lost
And not returns it -
Where's the peace I sought to gain?
I thought to gain
And fought to keep?

But this is the now
The end then has been
Already
And pounding
Beginnings so shaking
Were turned into chaos
And sleep-walking havoc
And paths not to cherish -
And now just to breathe
And hope now
And pray?
Religion but lost
And structures seen empty -
And all that remains
Are masks dancing here
A masquerade like
Foreshadowing all.

I need you, love,
Have needed you always
But too far away
And far out of reach
This love now to stay -
Won't find it for ever
That's how it now seems
And then here, the now
Just doesn't make sense
And sense here just fake
And all now must break
And lost will it be
To darkness once more
The hope seemed so gained
A year but before
Destroyed here again
But death's closest face
Will neither now scare me
And all now to turn
To worst once for now -
For faith is so lost -
But then, different tones
And diff'rent, kind stories
To bear and to cherish,
That future to fight
Another to build.

THE AFTER

Theory just
Theory all
Theory always
Always to stay
Always to hurt
Always to haunt
Not to regret
Never to cease
Never stop pounding
Never stop caring -
Always a force
A force in behind
A force to shake all
And all s'pposed to fall
S'pposed to shatter
To crumble
To crash
For this is the after
The time quite to come
The end, that's for sure
Once time shall be right -
The sounds then consume
They shatter the world
Your private, small world,
They shatter the lives and the matters within
They shatter the places observed as without
And nothing can take you
Can take you no thing -
And pounding so starkly
That matters now nothing
And never it shall
And faith once so cherished
Will crumble too soon
Has trembled already
And shaking it is -
The time at hand
The last now to be.

And now that all's turning
You listen deep down
And empty it all
Your dying heart
Just beating alone
A heartbeat so lonely
Not having another
To pound at its side -
And may you not die
You still are alone -
The heartbeat, unheard,
Will cry then in weeping
Will cry in this sadness
And solitude all -
For this is the after
And all's taken place
And don't you now see?
Can feel you your heartbeat?
Knowst thou of your heart?
Its pounding and striking?
It's energy all
That makes it go living
And pumping and all?
But once it runs out
The energy all
Why should it go on?
Why bother to beat?
You're dead so inside,
Why let it go on?

There's nothing to find
There's nothing to see
And nothing to help you
At darkest this point -
And once you are there
The fuck you get out -
There's nothing to gain
And nothing to fight
And nothing to lose
Just nothing
No worth
Humanity lost
And spirit and all
As this is the end
Each move that you make
Just once you are there
Will matter the most
And shatter the shadows
And dry then your tears
And turn this now must
Peripety-like
A turn this to take
To better? To worse?
Just now? Or in time?
Can't tell you, my friend,
For this is the end
There's nothing to see
And nothing to say
Anymore
The road here is stuck
So just make a turn
Your instincts but trust
For this is the end
So shut off the dream
And wake
For this is the now
Your love but
Is lost.

September 8th, 2001