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Phil John Kneis:
VERITATIO - NEBULAE III:
DREAMS DEEP DOWN
(ENNEALOGY, PART TWO OF NINE)
Eichwalde, 20th June, 1997 - P#63
I. Again I check and seek for new, Again I try to find a clue, Again for hints I search and go And look for flurries in the flow Of times and shades of times again, Of words and shades of echoes then, Of truth and hidden meaning still And try to find to know the will That leads this all and hides so well, That sees this all and will not tell What just exactly lies behind, What just exactly I would find When I now turned around to gaze And try to start a fury chase Of thoughts against mere shadows but, To open doors which were to shut And not to enter, not to see - All past themes do I want to flee, All past ideas leave behind, With future then to fill my mind.
II. A glance behind, just to make sure, One to the side to see the lure That darkness wants me follow now. But what I use is not a tow, Not thick a rope, not even strong, But what I know: It is not wrong. A tiny thread I follow straight, But what a threat there will await And laugh at me, I just don't know, But those are thoughts that times ago And not to mention here to seem. To follow nebulae and steam Could lead to places that I seek, A place that showed where I was weak, A place that showed what I denied, A place that showed what demons lied And fooled me down my dreams at days, That showed me all the handsome ways Which neat and tidy used to look, And methods that looked by the book.
III. Am tired now of games and lies, Am tired now of useless tries, Just tired now of false replies Am tired now of past denies. The shades of shadows I now see, I hear them calling, shout at me, I see them waving like before, I feel them touching me once more. And fire starts to come to me, This is a time I cannot flee, A time when thoughts are down, are gone, A time when sleep has almost won And is to carry me away, Away to places where to stay At daytime I would never care, And not at all that strangest flair And sounds and smells then hear and feel - The dreams take over and soon steal The thoughts of mine and wishes deep - And life itself falls into sleep.
IV. At daylight I just used to cloak And not remember which dreams woke Like nightmares me out of my peace - And now around they come to tease My mind to see what I would say, To see if I would turn away And try to lie to dreams of mine And try to step aback to whine And to forget what aims I had, Just to deny what once but fled To mind and soul, to soul and mind - It's easy to ignore that kind Of unpleasant and nasty things That crawl around, but no one thinks Of things he sees and hears all day, Of things he meets on ev'ry way, Of things that used to be just clear And not to doubt and not to fear; Those things that not to prove just are, On darkened skies they seem a star.
V. Deep down the quarrels do not end, Deep down I cannot use a hand Or body force to clarify - The choir of questions, what, when, why, Is drumming deafly there and dark. Where is the end? Where lies the mark That makes the time and takes the life? That takes me down when I just thrive? But when - to ask - should it be right? Which time would be a one I liked? Just don't pretend to know one thing, Just don't ignore the angel's wing That all the times took care of all - But now, when all the walls to fall And all the bridges seem to fade And all the questions to debate And all the efforts to combine And all to leave which once was mine And all to think at once that day - And all the times will fade away.
VI. In dreams deep down I feel the truth, The dreams deep down now try to soothe My mind, and all the worldliest shapes Will something be that far just waits To see me then. And all the fears Seem foolish then. And all the tears Will vanish soon and hope will spread. What dangers wait, what deadly threat? I laugh at these! Whom shall I fear. The Lord again just seems so near, Not far is He, not fantasy, Nor is He myth, nor fools he thee. A calming voice, a guiding hand, A voice that calls me to His land Just when He wants me to return. But first I am alive to learn And see the World and feel His breath. This knowledge now just laughs at death And shadows flee and leave the night - So that at last I'll see the light.
April 2th, 1999
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