POEMS GROUP 25: YOGA

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS I:

THE EXAMINED LIFE

maybe it's easier
to not look too closely
at life
itself
in the short run
we all need our privacies
and private idiosyncrasies
and times and places
of unexamined
animality
but later though,
at the end of our day,
at the end of our time of the day,
and at the end of time itself,
don't we wish we should have examined much closer
what was written this day in the book of our life
this day
this day of all days
do we know who we are?
do we know who we've been?
do we know who we'll be?
while none of our paths are the same
we'll all surely get to the end, someday
we better have an idea
of where we'll end up
we better make sure
we've done what we could
so that amongst all empty accomplishments
all egos, positions, achievements aside,
we will have held on
to the path
to the way
to the truth
to the search
to the meaning
that life carries within
from the beginning
through the explained
through chaos and order
in whole and in part
in words and in deeds
through search and choice
in knowledge and being :
we may only be here for short a time
and not be important in the greater scheme of things:
yet matter we still
and what we do, what we are,
it will survive
in memory
et in saecula saeculorum

January 25th/26th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS II:

BERESHIT / IN THE BEGINNING

in the beginning
when YHWH began to create
we were nowhere near
our thoughts, our dreams, our desires,
nothing: and everything
just enfolded till the unfolding
and connections that were
are seen no more
once out of chaos, order became
when YHWH began to create
in the beginning

you may think this is true
you may simply see symbols
you may simply see faith:
there's nothing simple about faith
there's nothing simple about symbols
there's nothing simple about truth:

our lives are lived
without knowing
what came before
everything that became

our lives are lived
without knowing
what will come after
everything that has become

you may believe
that you know it all
yet there is no knowledge
outside bereshit:
there is no creation
outside the beginning
that we could know:

thus as we proceed
out of the garden of childhood
into the desert of life
we better quickly
make our peace
with whatever YHWH is:

for once you accept the mystery of life
you know that chaos lives inside you
just as order, its eternal other:

and that the path
is not yours:
you're just another wanderer
through time and space
so make it count

February 3rd, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS III:

ECCE HOMO

ecce homo
see the human
see the person
see the face
and see the light
that once was shining bright and strong
diminished so
by cruel a world
and crueler people
ain't we something,
ain't we grand:
we torture, maim, display, and kill
all those that see potential where there's none,
that tell us of a path not yet attempted,
tell us truths we have rejected,
us to higher purposes are pushing,
to an end not yet imagined,
an end obtainable but hard
end these stories all the same?
these tales of woe?
tales just all?
or truth?
or
?

the world is turning, spinning, hurtling but
through space, through time,
and times don't change;
while life, sometimes, more bearable becomes,
fortunes wax and wane for all
fortune's wheel is always turning
turning, turning in a widening gyre,
turns it all, sometimes to better, then to worse but
and the wheel can not be broken,
maybe weakened, slowed, arrested,
only fools believe in happy endings,
while nature knows just evolution,
physics knows of entropy,
and humans dream of immortality

see the humans
and take them seriously:
we're not gods
we are not angels
we're not perfect
we are quite fallible
we're no heroes always,
but sometimes, we can
grow
and live up
to the hopes of those
who saw something in us
worth saving and worth dying for
but mainly, worth living for
always

February 3rd, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS IV:

IF NOW A SONNET I'D BE SURE TO WRITE

if now a sonnet I'd be sure to write
I'd think of ways to make this fit in time -
for sure, you might expect it here to rhyme -
and have this rhyme keep shining bright

appear it shall just like the morning light:
and sounds appear in pleasant flowing verse:
a change of form must surely now sound terse,
and indicate without a doubt a fight

once eight are done, the six begin to sound
quite strange a structure, may I here complain,
not sure I am that this should here be done

as I now feel by structure too much bound:
and yet, my protestations are in vain:
this, Petrarch's form, is done, and so, he won.

April 3rd, 2019 / March 26, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS V:

IN TIMES OF PLENTY DO WE RARELY SEE

in times of plenty do we rarely see
that all we have could somehow come to end
and once it does, how fast we work to mend
so that what plenty was will once more be

will once more see what hidden briefly was:
that lions like, we sleep as much as roar,
and fall we will as much as surely soar:
our hope is set in brevity of loss

for what else is there in the end but hope
as loss pervades, perverts, perturbs our life:
and darkness taunts the spirits far too much:

we need a way to live, to love, to cope;
while knowing clearly most of life is strife:
to heal, to hope, to live needs human touch

April 2nd, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS VI:

there's a feeling rising up
from somewhere deep
inside

the strangest sensation:
intense, and yet gentle,
a realization, for sure,
of something I've already known
and yet
don't care to face all the time

the silliest thing,
it's so banal,
it is so trivial,
it is so utterly devoid
of any originality
and still
so rarely
truly
expressed

we live our lives
in constant quite anticipation
of something to come,
of something to happen,
of some form of meaning
to emerge
to transform
to fulfill
the way we are

seek pleasure we
seek happiness
seek plain fulfillment
everything
thus we:
how grand a happiness
we might achieve
and last it will
forever more

how sweet such hope
and yet how shallow
yet how vain
yet how dangerous
and plain

to see what's here
is all we need:
is all we must:

for while the future needs be tended for
its seeds are sowed quite in the now
ideally, since yesteryear
and all we need is to proceed

but future's work
and past's achievement
lies in the here
lies in the now:

and if we can't face
what lies beneath
if empty we fear ourselves to be
no future will fill it
and wither we will

for life is bracketed by death so clearly
in all its morbid obscenity
so unavoidably
and brazenly
and undeniably
just so

we come from nothing
we'll go to nothing
your hope will be a hope against nothing
or a hope that in this nothingness
nirvana lies, not emptiness:

but still
it's not for us to know
to hope, believe, aspire, yes:
but know we can't

and thus
the only thing remaining
lies in the now
lies in the here
so if you lie
about your inner self right here
and if you hope just 'gainst the truth
you'll nowhere go
and nowhere be
and nowhere will you see
what all you have
what all is here
in the here
in the now
awaiting a future tender and fragile;
but more so, a present that's real, not just passing:

'tis just another way
of saying, life is short,
I know
and yet
this moment
this saddest feeling
this saddest knowing
had to be meditated upon
had not to be passed over
just too eas'ly so
or unthinkingly

this night
this night of all
like every night
time passes by
life passes by
like a thief in the night:
you better know
you better have done
what necessary was:
you better hope
that there is substance
in your life
while you are meditating
on the abyss of death
you need to focus on life
which is given meaning today
and only today
and in all the todays
still coming
till meaning is given by death
finally

but today
you will remember
the oppression of days past
to ensure that none such oppression will ever return
but today
you will remember
the promise of days yet to come
to ensure that this promise will be there for all
but today
tonight
you will sleep, hopefully, knowing that if time,
if time,
if time had decided
that your work now be completed,
then today
would be a good day
to see an end to your suffering
and a beginning
to the closing
of your days

if not today,
if not tomorrow,
then sure another day

but today it is
today it is
today
it is time
to just be
just be
and be just
to yourself
and your love

Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam,
shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higianu laz'man hazeh.

April 8th, 2020

April 2nd, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS VII:

MORBID MOMENT

I was having a moment right now
just a brief moment
of timely reflection
of thoughts both timely and untimely
eternal, maybe, from the horizon of time
of a mere mortal
caught in a whirlwind
of change
all around:
there are times
when life throws you a curveball
an unexpected obstruction
is put in your way:
sometimes into the way of the whole world:
as the world is waiting
to decide
what this apocalypse will bring us:
I fear
it will just bring us
more of the same:
for the evidence
of all our history
is quite
overwhelming:
it is
what it is:
que serà, serà

April 23rd, 2020 / October 16th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS VIII:

WAYSTATION

there is some apprehension here
as things are changing all around
and all can hear it loud and clear
just as if were to be announced
there's people coming, people going,
thoughts so fleeting,
not persisting,
cannot catch them, cannot keep them,
like a stream of consciousness,
of consciousnesses but built this stream
I know of them, I see them clearly,
but what they are is lost to me
all those people,
all those faces,
just go on
and on
and on
but should I seek stability,
quite what a fool I would just be
and maybe well I am just this;
yes, maybe that's who I'm to be:
worse things there are than that, for sure:
an idiot
is probably quite most the honest thing
to be
at least I know
that I don't know
at least I know
that there's no home,
not ever, truly; that's for sure
there might be homes
that you may live in
throughout your life,
throughout the many lives you'll live,
but all this is quite temp'rary:
for just as people come and go,
the places too
will change around you
and thrown you'll be
quite always then
just back unto your self,
alone
you're nothing more
than a waystation yourself:
you are not constant, ever changing,
down to smallest atoms even;
as thoughts pass through you,
catch you'll some, but lose them still,
as others will escape outright
now this you realize quite now:
happiness comes not at all
from outlandish and grand delusions
'bout meaning, life and immortality:
but from the recognition
of the truth
of our impermanence:
that's all.

June 16th / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS IX:

WHEN YOU'RE DOWN

those precious moments
when your mortality
your smallness
your weakness
your ineffectiveness
your insufficiency
your fallibility
your sin
is laid but bare
and made concrete:
how liberating can this be!
for now you are free
to think again
no longer weighed down
by the gravity of the past
(which surely could push you down much further;
and should you let it, it surely quite will)
but now you are free
to embrace the levity of the future
to lift you up
into horizons new
and reimagine
what's still to come
how bless'd could be
a predictable life
a life preordained
pre-foreseeable
and smooth:
but is this life, really?
does comfort like this
not come at the price
of stopping to learn
and stopping to live?
in your lifetime,
how many lifetimes
do you intend to live?
see the path
unfold
not completely:
but by a process of discovery
that lets you seek
and lets you grow
and lets you know
so many more things
about the world,
about yourself,
about your life,
about your love:
what choice do you have
when you're down
but to live,
finally?

June 17th / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS X:

THE POLITICS OF DEATH

the end
determines meaning, story, purpose all:
as Aristotle told us quite:
for Plato's forms too abstract are,
divine they almost,
out of reach
for most of us:
while show they clearly
that we live
by shadows only:
copies all
imperfect ones
of all-important forms out there:
the thoughts are clear, and maybe true,
but see we not the world in abstracts,
need concreteness we
and tangibility
at least
there's nothing more tangible
than an ending,
the clearest marker, clearest sign
that stop we must
to take but stock
to then define
and see what's what,
and see a beginning
that led to an ending,
and see a beginning
fulfilled by an ending,
at least, but, we hope
death seems permanent enough
to mark an ending
mark a story
closing for now:
while nature knows better
(for nothing is wasted,
and star stuff we're all)
we sometimes quite don't
and miss we will
the lessons that death brings upon us for life
is resurrection
a hope in the face of reasonable doubt?
is life after death
a crass distortion of all we can know?
faith, of course,
follows diffèrent routes,
sets a diffèrent course
for those who believe:
a life regained quite after death:
how kind a thought, how strange but though
to draw our lessons from this now:
does death have meaning?
don't need we an ending to see a beginning?
and how do we decide
from this?
?

June 25th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XI:

SOMETIMES I WONDER

Sometimes I wonder
How can it be
That I have found
Some one to love me
While I do not understand
I can only accept
And just marvel
At the beauty of love
And it is not I
who found love on my own
I was found by my love:
I cannot take the credit for this
Open your mind
Open your heart
Open your senses
And love can find you
Once find you love inside of you
And let it drive you, teach you, guide you,
You will be found and finally see
That love seeks itself and you're not alone

June 25th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XII:

THE END OF THE WORLD

there are some things I worry about
some people too
but more so, things
that I may need
as I cannot need people
right now
in isolation
because of nature's wrath -
quite fitting an end, or an episode merely,
to happen
to us:
the self-proclaimed but coronation
of creation
dethroned by a virus wearing a crown:
the victory of simple rogue code
over a complex mammal so arrogant
?
we do not know
there's so much we don't know
it's not even the end of the world as we knew it,
as we actually never knew it
well enough
this has really thrown us back unto ourselves:
retorquebas nos ad nos ipsos
quite the religious experience almost,
sublime, most certainly,
oh well
?

July 7th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XIII:

STRANGEST LULL

there is a lull I'm feeling here
it's been building up for quite a while
as if to nothingness but falling
allowing all
in time
for everything
to end;
it's maybe a bit easier now
I've felt it before
barely made it
I know I can make it now too
but
this strangest lull
is oddly inviting
oddly enticing
and whether I give in
is less a function of stress
than of will
or simple postponement

July 23rd, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XIV:

RESTLESS AGAIN

I know it's late
there's my bed
right there
waiting
already sat in it
already lied in it
watched some show with headphones on
then another
that one showed nightmares
oh well
that's not it
got ready
glasses off
alarm set
sat on bed
got up
computer shutting down
bathroom, part un
call someone?
walk to other room
calling
calling
calling
third time's the charm
not now, maybe later, I hear
ok
what now?
more walking?
something else?
something to calm me down?
not in the mood
start up computer again
bathroom again, part deux
idea!
computer now up
set up document
now, I type
[goto beginning, endif now]

August 10th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XV:

THE CRICKETS TELL ME IT IS NIGHTTIME

The crickets tell me it is nighttime
Their sounds could send me right to rest
And yet, I try to listen still: won't impolite it be to sleep?

Their math is fascinating to behold as phases synchronized begin
They'll deviate a while for moments just
To then, again, align once more

For weeks, it was quite lonely here
As lone a cricket tried to sing
An orchestra but now was found
And soon I'll sleep, thus safe and sound

We think we're all alone out here -
But hope will conquer any fear

Just like a lovely cricket may we sing
That company our song may bring

August 16th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XVI:

THE MAIL IN TIMES OF CORONA

With strange and odd enthusiasm
Am I watching the location updates
Of the letter I sent in the mail

My correspondence leads a more exciting life than me
And it can travel while I can't

It was in Portland today, off to San Francisco,
Later on to Europe finally
With probably limited sightseeing

Can I be jealous
Of a mere letter
In these times of pandemic conflagrations?

September 13th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XVII:

HUCKLEBERRY COMMUNITY

the forest
breathes stillness
amongst the bushes
a few, distant humans,
a quiet community
of worshippers
of the forest
of trees
of wind
of water
of earth
of bushes
of little blue pearls, almost,
on their bushes next to their friend, the bear grass
this quiet community
is the community
of the worshippers
of the berry
the huckleberry

August 15th, 2020 / October 16th, 2020

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XVIII:

THERE'S TOO MUCH NOISE

the world's too loud
there's too much noise
inside my head,
inside my mind,
collides it all
and razes down all my defenses
all my shields
and all my protections

I see the world right coming through
an opening for terrors all
and nothing's solid anymore,
as all will fall
and fall all will
all walls are overrun
by things much worse
than those barbarians of old
(and I should know: I'm one of them)

and while we're told
it'll be OK
my heart just races, trembles, wakes
and let's my mind not come to rest:
for there are monsters out there
in here
and all I can do
is see them and freeze
for so
do we all

November 1st 2020 / January 10th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XIX:

BLUE MOON

how fitting now it seems
in this our darkest time
for Luna now to shine her light
into the darkness again

is helping she here
or mocking us
with her pale shine
lighting the night, disturbing our sleep?

amusing though it rather is
how some assume a rock in space
exerts much more than gravity
on human fates and deeds and all
it's all too clear
that all we do
is grasp for anything and all
that yield us could
convincingly, somehow,
a story, tale,
a sense of meaning,
a sense of life with some control:

for otherwise,
quite all there is
is meaningful just for itself,
no greater message,
greater purpose,
greater grandiosity and scheme:

thus more than once in a blue moon there is
in all our thoughts
a moment of life
pounding
and waiting
to appear
to actualize itself
to finally
yes, finally
discover finality
a purpose
an end
the sense of an ending
(a purpose needs endings)
but ain't we moving
in circles but rather?
ain't we caught
in this revolving mess
in our own designs
our own delusions
deliberations
and constructions
strange contraptions
trapping our minds
trapping our souls
in this narrative
of beginning and ending
while an everlasting
circle
is all we should see

instead, we see patterns
in each and in all
beginning and fall:
and all we assume
to revolve
around us
in grandest delusions
immodestly so:

humanity
simply does not rhyme
with humility

November 1st 2020 / January 10th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XX:

THE SWEET SMELL OF DISINFECTANT

these days
all these days
so filled with strangeness
filled with fear
filled with ignorance -
oh dear

we are learning now
that if you name yourself sapiens
it's not a sign of wisdom
but hubris
and outright stupidity

the only thing
to calm us down
the sweetest smell
of disinfectant

the crown of creation
brought to their heels
by a virus
naturally
wearing the crown

there's nothing funny here
nothing but sad awkwardness:
and thus,
while some are waiting for this storm to pass,
the rest,
with an indulgent grin,
pretend-enjoy their freedom here
to keep infecting the world
with their alternative realities

"oh, what a piece of work"
we are
indeed

December 31st, 2020 / January 10th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XXI:

WAKE FOR A WORLD OUT OF BALANCE

stand we here in judgement
of a world that's gone awry

?

whose judgement is there
we should listen to?
who's left among us
that should judge?

we see the signs
we hear the words
and there are countless other ones we don't

and judgements,
judgements,
there are plenty of those now today

thus maybe
it would be much preferred
just this one time
to simply
not judge
to simply
not opinionate
to simply
not here declamate:

and maybe
just maybe
we should just
be
just be
just in this moment
simply be

and take in
and be still:
and still be

in this world of fullness
true nothingness
just for a moment
may just be
all we need

wake
but don't make
not tonight
not today
just be

December 31st 2020 / January 10th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - CONNEXIONS XXII:

EXPOSITION:

I: SEE IT NOW
II: INTERRVPTVS
III: SAMARRA
IV: AFTER THE STORM
V: THE LIE
VI: THE IMMEDIATE
VII: RESIGNATION
VIII: DEATH WISH
IX: ACCEPTANCE
X: NOT YET

see it now
as all is ending
as all has ended quite already
in your mind
& in your soul

you have seen it
you have lived it
you have feared it

broke it all
and broke apart
and all asunder
torn apart it all
in pain:

in fear
we're
all united now
we're
all invited now
to quite behold
as was foretold
in tales of woe
(or tales of truth?)

as hist'ry shows its truest face
purveyor of the past it's not,
but of the future, its foretelling
its proceeding step by step
and year by year
and day by day
and hour by hour:

(for comes the hour
quite inevitably so:
we may well deny it
may just seek salvation instead:
and yet, it'll come still
patiently
but against our protestations
all definitively so)

sit I here
through my day

trying something to do
something to say

but what is there to say,
what is there to do
in this moment
this day
this day of -
- what exactly?

awaiting the maybe inevitable we are
confused now our future even
about its very course

thus interrupted is our life
till a savior appears?
till something will happen?

and thus we are
interrupted
in life
but, sadly, not death:
only, we know not the hour nor day nor location
but happen it must
eventually

once,
you may have been asked,
you may have been sent,
unbeknownst even to yourself,
to a different place
it may have been at Samarra
or not
for a meeting

whatever the story may be
and it may quite be a different you
you may have been sent
you may still be sent
to a different place
an appointment to meet
an errand to run
on the most ordinary
of ordinary days

a stranger you'll see
the strangest appearance
will strike at your heart
will strike at your soul
and you will know
yes, you will know
this could be the day
this could be the hour
but know you cannot:
and thus you avoid
you're trying to flee
the Angel of Death
who will, instead,
meet you, as scheduled
at the appointed time
at the destination
of your escape
or so it is told

our fates now all connected
all in samest truth contorted
all in samest lies conflicted
all denial's confirmation
of the truth all known beneath:

(what once is truth now,
lies may be its final transformation):

from here on now,
all will be different,
all will be changed,
and all will be better
eventually
once we have weathered the storm

in hearing this now,
I weirdly chuckle
and see
what is claimed as truth
is simply a lie:

for things will change
and be the same
at the same time

we do not believe in sanity
we do not listen to saner tunes
but to the melodies of the pipers
the pied pipers
and sellers of snake oil
and utopia-peddlers
and futurists
and imaginists
and revolutionists:

all this sad lot
lying to us
about the nature of things
about the nature of nature
about the nature of us:

we like to hope
we like to dream
yet we have always been living
in the real world
and will have to continue
continue
or cede

V. THE LIE

we've also been living the lie
no little one this,
but the big one now quite:
the lie
contained within
our understanding
as human
as humanity
as something special
something somehow unexpected
and yet:
so much clearer

but humanity
is just a make-belief
a wish
a distortion:
a construction
overburdened from within:
the lie,
specifically,
that we are special,
that we are better,
that we are somehow
on special terms
with God,
with nature:

but the only thing we're special to
is to us ourselves
in all our solipsism

and how would we know about God
if all we know is our image of God?

VI. THE IMMEDIATE

once theory
has ceded to reality
death is more deadly
mortality more mortal
life is more fragile
and all seems askew

there is too much now
now

ruled we are
by the immediate
by the proximate
by the horror
creeping in
from the outside;
creeping out
from the inside

in the end,
there can be no distance
there's nowhere to hide
from the truth
the immediate truth
all around us:

in the end
the end
will just come
and take us, gently or not,
by our hands,
and show us the way:
and there shalt be no turning back
ever more

VII. RESIGNATION

there is nothing
that I can do
there is nothing
that I can say
there is nothing
simply nothing
for nothing
has become everything:
and everything,
nothing

maybe this would be the time
to simply reflect
to meditate
on the end
and to ponder
on its eventual inevitability

for I do quite well suspect
we'll survive through this, if only mostly,
but know that, I don't,
and surely, not everyone
has been spared
by the inevitable

but even if this is not it
and even if we get to live
to die another day perchance:
the end will come
a question like:
what will our answer be
that day of days,
that day?

VIII. DEATH WISH

"Nicht sehre Dich Sorge um mich: / Einzig taugt mir der Tod"
"Do suffer no sorrow for me: / All I long for is Death"

- Richard Wagner, Die Walküre

when Sieglinde realized dearest Siegmund's death,
the Valkyrie she told
to not suffer sorrow for her:
as death was all she now wished for

and yet,
her song changed immediately
once she knew
she was with child:
once more thus, the only thought keeping us alive
is that of the future
waiting innocently
in the wings

once you have realized
your battles have been fought
your victories are in the past
your loss is now in the making:

while it is honorable to fight
till the end,
always,

your ending
is yours
and it needs to be prepared
by you

how will you leave?
in fiercest denial?
in foolish resistance?
romantic rebellion?

the end
can only be postponed
for so long

and without acceptance,
there will be no peace
in the end:
but there must be peace
always

I am not
who I need to be

who that was
I do not know
any more

that one
has faded
into the fog of time

yes, time
time's our one true foe
unrelenting, it rules
and we
are helpless
as moving we are
through spacetime
moving through space
through time
through the divine
itself

and yet
time's our one true friend:
quite forgivingly, it does move on
and we
if given yet another hour,
another day,
another year:
or even more:
we'll always be able
to choose life over death,
to turn around,
and try again:

to the fates,
we can always say
we'll give in
and let your path be followed

but just like that,
our answer
can always be:
not yet

February 28th, 2021