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  phase 6: zêtesis kai hairesis

Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty

Category 5: Dissolutions

Section Index

  1. And Then
  2. To See Another World
  3. What There Is
  4. There'a a Road
  5. If You Think
  6. Only a Memory
  7. What Do I Want to Say
  8. Things Are Breaking Down, My Dear
  9. Dead Websites
  10. I Need to Believe
  11. Loosen
  12. Veritability
  13. Roads to Inspiration
  14. Choice of Art
  15. What Ever Is Happening Now
  16. I Do Not Want To Be Normal
  17. Life Review
  18. An Emptiness In/Significant
  19. All Life Is A Dream
  20. Good Night To All
  21. For Reals
  22. This Is Never Going to Happen to Me
  23. Ever Never More
  24. Where I am Now
  25. Unicorn
  26. Connection Lost
  27. Memento Mori
  28. Syllogy XLI: The Garden

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  Subsequent Pages - Poems  

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS I:
Corvallis, December 28th, 2012 - P#601

and then
you think
what is life all about
what's in store for us yet
will it all once make sense
or is all we will be
simply lost
on a path
of uncertainty
and maybe there's not even that:
this one
at all?

December 28th, 2012 / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS II:
Corvallis, February 5th, 2013 - P#602

to see another world
to feel it, touch it, ravage it
and see its end
its almost every end
and nothing
: a new world
that did not exist before
that is empty
and of no one
how could this be
that such a creation
could be forsaken by us
if it has been forsaken
by everyone already

February 5th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS III:
Corvallis, February 6th, 2013 - P#603

there is

February 6th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS IV:
Corvallis, February 10th, 2013 - P#604

there's a road
that should not be talked about
that should not be followed
that should not even be considered
for it's leading nowhere
nowhere fast
nowhere at all
and all in it, drawn
to the lure
of nothingness
revelatory bliss:
a nothing that is
is that a nothing?
is there not
another way to go?
across the waters
far, far, far, far; far too much: yet home
in exile, all roads could lead home
while home, all roads lead away from it
I could quite think some more about this here
and seek my home across the seas
and yet, my dear, my new home, is near: quite here
is never

February 10th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS V:
Corvallis, February 27th, 2013 - P#605

if you think
you believe in god
you will be in
for harsh quite a landing

the loving god
the nurturing god
the kindest god
the baby jeeezus

oh well
that is one way of looking at this

but, you know, there is always
a counterpoint
a counter-image
that you simply can't shake --
and I know, oh, how I know, that you'd like to so much --
for the message of love
the message of understanding
the message of belonging
is met by indifference
and quite apparent sadism:
god wills it, they say:
-- then, how much, in fact, did he will?
and if he's so willing, how much of that is transferred unto us?

February 27th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS VI:
Corvallis, March 7th, 2013 - P#606

a narrative
of what has been
and what will never be

it hits you the most
when you still can remember
while everyone else
is too young

the smell of the prairies
the sounds of the forest
the star-spangled sky
and the silence of the rocks:

who walked back then
is only a memory
if it is being told
and is allowed to be told

and contrary to what we like to hear
voices can be silenced
people removed
and memories be made forgotten

and not always
will there be something new emerging
redefining and resurging
after the old

March 7th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS VII:
Corvallis, April 26th, 2013 - P#607

I want to say
that every day
nothing's yet lost
that every day
there is a chance
that all throughout life
you will be asked
to commit
one way, the other, or a compromise
that one
is probably better
than the two extremes
discrediting themselves:
follow the real path
the dharma
and you shall see

April 26th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS VIII:
Corvallis, May 19th - August 1st, 2013 - P#608

things are breaking down, my dear
sanity's performed, I fear
after million, million cuts
everything inside just shuts
down and down and down once more
not quite joyous as before
death herself comes quite announced
and her trumpet quiet'ly sounds
in the million, million things
from beginnings on, it rings
and times there are I start to wonder
'bout the voyage down to 'yonder:
't seems to me, and I would reckon
that everything that's here to beckon
and waiting in the wings, this death,
to claim what she already hath:
till I don't quite decide I'm done
for how much more I dare to shun
this call to end it, bring it close:
I can't but help to feel morose:

and yet
I can keep telling me each day:
this awful reminder of days mostly past
here also reminds me
that while this is embedded in the now indeed
and every moment does contain a core of it:
there's far too much living to be done
right here
right now

August 1st / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS IX:
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#609

kills creativity
in art:
how much more
can it be
to create perfect happiness
between two people
the private

June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS X:
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#610

I need to believe
that feeling
will be

June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XI:
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#611

it feels
I need to loosen my mind
(lest lose it I should)
and just let it flow
and let the mind
now supersede the brain
and let me speak
where silent I'd have been

June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XII:
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#612

beyond the walls
of appearances
there needs to be a way
for ideas
to take flight
and for truth
to be known:
I will not be accepting
the limitations of the cave
as final revelation:
must I not
despite it all
seek to carry on
and feel?
if thinking is not sufficient
not enough to tear down these walls

June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XIII:
Corvallis, July 16th, 2013 - P#613

life is usually assumed to be about possibilities
about all it has in store for you
about what will happen
what is all possible
and any new person
is the greatest gift to you, potentially

yes, indeed

that was then, though

I had been inspired

I had a dream

but can I hold on to a dream?
Tim Hardin thinks I can't

I hate this
I keep the dream
I have the dream
I am happy

and yet
around me
things are changing

people do not live forever
people do not stay in touch forever

I am tortured by cords cut loose
by not knowing what had happened
with a person close to me

and while I am living the (almost) perfect life
the substance of my past is crumbling
disintegrating with each passing breath

who was this? I know them. where are they?
we used to be close. not even a clue now.
the matrix of Gallifrey stays quiet.

there's entropy all around me
even within me, I guess, educatedly,
which means, things fall apart,
which means, death is all around me (us, rather)

ain't it strange how quickly we went from life to death?

it is quite as if eros and thanatos were quite connected
this road now seems quite inspired
yet morbidly
less - alive? - or more - advanced?

I am not sure I am liking this quite

I am watching Kevin Smith, at fourty,
talking about turding while stoned

I guess
this is
enough for now
I have not solved any problem
I have not produced an aesthetic masterpiece
I honestly don't know what this is

I guess it's on the road to somewhere

oh, surely, let's hope so

July 16th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XIV:
Corvallis, July 25th, 2013 - P#614

if art indeed
can suffer, maybe
from happiness in love
and would succeed much more
under conditions of unhappiness thus
alas, not-love,
what am I to make of this?
choose the emotional vampire I
or what makes me, us! happy?
maybe me, myself and Art
need talk this out
an intervention, you might say
and investigation
of the oldest abyss
of art herself

July 25th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XV:
Corvallis, July 29th, 2013 - P#615

what ever is happening now
is very important
in its insularity
yet paling in comparison
with those events that make a day a special one
by having the loneliest of all the temporal units be its lowliest:
a day compared to weeks months years eons all
what could a day but merely achieve
in the presence of something so much greater - and still:
by finding something smaller still
the day finds the seconds the minutes the hours
drowning all pain away, Mrs Dalloway,
and Richard feels for his soul to be lifted his body must fall

July 29th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XVI:
Corvallis, August 1st, 2013 - P#616

can I not be different?
is there a right life in the false one?
ss there a false consciousness, or is life just life?

is it wrong to want to have retirement?
is it wrong to want to have health insurance?
is it wrong to think practical?

but I want to have big thoughts
I think I know what is best for others
do i?
how dare I?



Is this a poem?

August 1st / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XVII:
Corvallis, July 31st - P#617

life takes turns
there are no easy flows
no easy decisions
no easy directions:

life takes turns
you may be left
you may be center
you may be right
and all not for worse to wear, I presume:

life takes turns
but you can hardly overturn them
a direction once entered
cannot that easily be reversed
and a decision made
may have been made for a good reason


life takes turns for reasons

how now then for unreason?

I should probably not be an artist
should not even aspire to be one
should not even dare to do what I am itching to do
what IT is driving me to do

cannot I
aim for posterity too?

cannot I
take a shot at (relative) immortality
as well?

(had to put the relative in there - I may be a romantic sometimes -
but I do not want to be delusional:
in a thousand years,
will they read Shakespeare, Auster, Rowling, or Tolkien?)

(in a thousand years, we may all be dust and glad to be a memory at all)

(pray that the Pyramids at least survive)
(whoever comes after us should be as confused as we are)
(and, at the very least, inspired)

what gave me inspiration today?
that very old, tried and true, and depressingst of all, old adage:
memento mori
how nice it sounds
how cruel its meaning:

and yet, how true

life takes turns
but the final one
it will
in the end
without warning

what will you have done
till then?

tempus fugit

July 31st / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XVIII:
Bend, August 24th, 2013 - P#618

this is not a stable world
things seem bobbing up and down now
cannot focus
cannot see
shaking all beyond its foundations
founded once proudly and surely
but now
here remains
but a pitiful shadow
a likeness
a form
a naked form
an idea stripped down
so much of its once fancy entourage
and apparatus:
finally then:
the naked meme
the empty signifier
floating there
what does it all mean?

all I can say
looking at the meme as such:

you tell me
can I have not a single clue
if of all my memes
you were my last:
and I am quite the lonely vessel now
the empty signified
holding hands
with the empty signifier
at the end
of the wor(l)d

August 24th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XIX:
Corvallis, September 3rd, 2013 - P#619

there're voices sometimes in the night
they're calling me, seductively,
to listen quite intent'ly thus
to lead me quietly into
another world
another place:

and yet I sense
that something's wrong
that some things are'nt
quite what they seem
what they should seem
were they to be seen:

appear they though
as real as life
just dreams deep down
is all they are;
and all I see
is world without end

and ask I shall now:
do sleep I or wake
the answer's not quite
what I would expect:
in retrospect
all life is dream, all dream is life?

September 3rd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XX:
Corvallis, September 9th, 2013 - P#620

a sleepness night can reach you
more than you ever wanted to be reached

a sleepness night can teach you
more than you ever wanted to be taught:

your life
as you think it is
is not quite controlled by the ego, my dear

the id takes over
in moments of frailty
in moments of stress
of normality challenged
and wronged;

the id
the primal identifier
lowest (?) base
and clearest sign
we're all just apes
barely evolved
apes with bling, maybe
in houses, ticky-tacky ones,
still, deeply, subconsciously, waiting to please the id
on a much grander scale

some tend to snack in the night
some seem to fill it with, let's call it romance,
some tend to mark off their territory
some do it by using poison gas
some by claiming to prevent it from happening:

it's not really
kill or be killed
but rather
a constant negotiation
over appreciation
whose side
holds more merit
whose side
holds more je ne sais quoi

I wish I could believe other things other times
and I do
yet whenever I return to a night rejecting my need for sleep
(maybe wanting me to write?)
I realize
the crazy things happening
at the dead of night
(and would you not have to be up at night pondering such decisions, my dears)

so that basically
all of us
are given
yet another demonstration
of the power of it
of the power of id
and of the relative weakness
of ego and super ego

I dimly remember
Nietzsche warning of this
yes, you should read the strange and depressing ones
they know the night
and thus
the day

oh, how more urgent then this wish becomes:
good night to all
good luck even more
and peace be on earth

yeah, right
as if optimism could save us here

September 9th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXI:
Corvallis, September 24th, 2013 - P#621

don't I know
things are complicated
ain't not easy
rather terrifyingly complex

don't I know it
communicate I may attempt
yet won't succeed that eas'ly here:
on this here planet of denial

do I know it
life is not an open book
and there are many different ways
of not answering the questions most pertinent

do I know
I wish I knew
for all I ever want to know
is: how are you doing, really, and what can I do to make it better?

(and maybe, just maybe, some one will ask me for reals as well, just please?)

September 24th / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXII:
Corvallis, October 2nd, 2013 - P#622

we are kidding ourselves
and happily
and knowingly

see we images of suffering and pain
the thought of empathy
pushed aside initially
by the sigh of relief: it's not me


it is just easier
to see the other
simply as other

but the self
remains an illusion
as well
in this game of deceit

October 2nd / November 3rd, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXIII:
Pendleton, September 20th, 2013 - P#623

where am I now?
and does this matter?
yet another place to be gone to
to be going
to be gone:

life passes by so slowly sometimes
so we decide
let's pass it by
on our own
get a kick out of it
seeing the sights
and sounds
of Evermore:

who am I now?
and does this matter?
yet another moment to go through
to be going
to be gone

death passes by so slowly sometimes
so we decide
let's pass it by
on our own
get a kick out of it
seeing the sights
and sounds
of Nevermore:

quoth' the raven indeed

September 20th / November 9th, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXIV:
Corvallis, November 16th, 2013 - P#624

where I am now
everyone I once knew
back home
is merely a memory
a voice, occasionally
a visit, so rarely now

change is quite so underestimated
in its preparation, it's unreal
in its happening, it's strange
and real it becomes, almost in passing
through the passing
of time

does time know?
does time care?
does time matter?
how do I bear
being split apart
into continents adrift
and past, present, future so disjoint?

November 16th / December 9th, 2013

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXV:
Corvallis, January 13th, 2014 - P#625

What kind of planet is this, you ask?

If someone found a unicorn,
a most precious single unicorn,
to be preserved for all of us,
a wond'rous miracle to behold,
someone else,
would hunt it,
kill it,
sell it,
eat it.

Just because.

January 13th, 2014

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXVI:
Corvallis, May 26th, 2014 - P#626

I guess, a sign of advancing age
is the sense of advancing loss:
all too many people I've known
and that were so dear to me
that have been important
in so many ways
have faded away
due to time, work, family, distance

how did this happen? Why does this happen?
so I am left only with a memory
and a cut-off understanding of who they now are:
this disturbs me, and it's a feeling of utter helplessness
and a reminder
that the little time you have, you better use
and even though there once may have been a spark
and a connection so perfect and grand

the connection is lost now
and people become memories
shadows, specters even
and my life
friend by friend
moment by moment
till I, myself, need not care anymore.

I'm not quite there

May 26th / August 3rd, 2014

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXVII:
Corvallis, August 2nd, 2014 - P#627

for K.

maybe it's because I ain't no big philosopher
but there is just one little wisdom I've learned
just one little big saying
that to me
is all I must teach you, my child:

memento mori
remember you'll die

I know, you are too young just now
and life is all ahead of you
and family and friends are all around you
nothing ever would change that, would it?

memento mori
mind well that you'll die

and if you do,
and you love someone, now is your chance to show it.
and you miss someone, now is your time to call them.
and you've hurt someone, now is your time to repent to them
and you've been less a person than you should have, now grow
and you've been meaning to help, then now do
and you've been pushing your dreams by the side, now reconsider them

memento mori
you'll only live once

life is a gift
and if there's one sin, it's to squander what's given to you
be mindful of that
and discover, explore, create, lose yourself, find it again, and live
(within reason, of course, I'm your grandfather, after all, so nothing too crazy)

memento mori
remember to live, and hang on to it, death comes on its own

nothing can ever be so bad
that you'd want to sacrifice it all
the world is ambiguous at best
the love that you need is the love you create -
for if you truly, selflessly love, you'll be loved
maybe not in the way that you hoped, but the way that you need it

memento mori
remember dying

you're alive because others are not anymore
you're standing on the shoulders of so many people
so many families, tribes, nations, humanity, evolution, the whole world, nay, universe even
as Carl Sagan once said, we're all star stuff
as the Doctor once said, he has never met anyone who was not important
you are important
but you're not alone:
you're everyone
you're humanity
you're life
you're the universe
in itself,
world without end:
no pressure, as they say; and everything within reason.
you are the legacy of everything before you:

memento mori
what will you leave behind?

August 2nd/3rd, 2014

Phil John Kneis:
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty (DHARMAH) - DISSOLUTIONS XXVIII:

Tetralogy II Part Two

The Garden

Corvallis/Eichwalde, March 28, 2014 - ... - P#628





Schematic Navigation
The Garden Paradise World Without End These Moments Philosophy Of Life Prose and Poetry The Tree The Snake Humanity Prometheus / Luciferens / IMMANUEL
Dia/Bolos: Genius Loki
Expelled Truth & Lies Exile This Day Uncovering Missing The Mark Filled With Tears Sacrifice Sanctity Lambs In The Slaughterhouse



The alternative road
Taken or not
Will lead it back to the woods
Or into the desert
Across the sea
To farthest stars
Or is it an ambling road
Leading to a garden
A city
Or ruins,
After all?


1: Ex Paradiso

The Garden Paradise World Without End These Moments Philosophy Of Life Prose and Poetry The Tree The Snake Humanity Prometheus / Luciferens / IMMANUEL


we've been claiming
we've been displaced
from a garden so pretty
a garden so perfect
a garden so grand
that nothing much better
would ever've existed:
and then
woman (allegedly) chose to listen to snake
and to seek truth
and here we are
(allegedly) screwed

The Garden


the promise of paradise
is quite an outrageous one:
of perfect a happiness
and a status closest to the divine:
a garden, of course, in the dunes, of the desert, what a sight!
yet now: do we get the function of the Garden still?
have we not
and made it something
sanitized, uplifting, and nice?
well, why the heck not, I'd like to say
why not exchange lofty goals
and heavy-handed, philosophical ones,
for something quite real,
yearn I for paradise?
who knows, if it even exists,
and I surely hope that if there's a god, it's a loving one, who'd know what I mean
in the meantime
I'd just like to,
in my little mundane and quite real
version of the myth-laden garden in the dunes:
I'd like to enjoy,
the here and there
without too much philosophizing
and just be
within nature, contained, and tamed,
my self




cogs are we
in the large scheme
of things
maybe, realizing this,
we've been claiming saviors of all sorts
protecting us
in a world without end
for ever and ever
such strangest a concept
and imagined, surely, more than anything else:
is a promise
and a curse
to those well aware
of their mortality
so then,
do we need to
artificially be
on living for ever?
taming nature
for culture to thrive?
taming the id
for the ego
to shine?
we are all just
grains of sand on the beach
hoping to have been counted
by a benevolent master -
while probably knowing (despite all our hope)
that all we are
is grains of sand
on the beach
and probably,
no master in sight
all our meaning
can only be constructed
by ourselves
hence, the panicking


seek order we
in the clear agreement
that all here is
is panic
and pain
and permanent, all-pervading loss
need we to impress ourselves
in our manic drive to create order everlasting
in a way mostly seen as permanent
as a governor, creator, maker, decider
seems, so much in life is beyond our control
while little areas seem manageable almost

World Without End


these moments
where every thing is dressed in light
and every one is here
and every one feels close to me
and all is bright and fine and light:
I know,
an illusion,
but sometimes
some moments
make me see

These Moments


Everything around you could come crumbling down any moment.

You need to cling to what is good and beautiful and useful in your life.

Strife is constant, and needs to be endured, fought when possible.

But life in itself is the ultimate value, and needs to be cherished, showing grace under pressure, a sense for the big picture over the small, and for the sanctity of your private life with family, friends and colleagues.

There should be sanctity in work as well, focusing on service, duty, camaraderie, and an ethos of true care and compassion, subsumed under the mission of the workplace.

The workplace should contribute to your fulfillment as a person, but you should never be a slave to it - and the personal needs to become a priority over the professional in terms of crisis.

Philosophy of Life


you'd expect as cleanest a separation
between the genres of poetry and prose:
and yet,
don't they seem to be rather complementary?
there's poetry hidden
in the most driest descriptions of life;
and prose may create poetry
by just so desperately asking for it:
the expressions of life
should well be plentiful
and multiple:
for whose life is really just simple?

Prose and Poetry


there is a line
of separation
between the darkness
and the light
a line
drawn in the sand
drawn with it, through it, and within it
(cum ipso et per ipso et in ipso)
this grain of sand
this community
of grains
in soil
and water
the darkness
and above
the light
the earth
and the air
and the fire that initially made it all
exploded it all
and the water that continually drowns it again
all four elements
in this structure
a network of roots in the darkness
a network of limbs in the air
drawing from both
being from both
needing both
in order to live:

this tree
in the garden
bearing this fruit
that mirrors the world
a tree of life
and a tree of death
the line
between innocence
and knowing

The Tree


whether it be
like a living limb of the tree
or stealthily sneaking through the soft grass
you'll see it too late
and suddenly, it's there
looking at you
smelling you
with its dragon-like eyes
and inquisitive tongue:

a serpent
looks at you
as if it knows you
and it very well may:

this moving spine
a vertebrate redux
carries your ancestry

it forces you
to position yourself
to act
to react
to be still:

a question,
no more,
a challenge,
of course,
but always: your own

so don't you lay blame
at this innocent one:
a creature just as yourself:
in a world
that's waiting
in the wings
of your decision

The Snake


why should fruit be forbidden?
especially, if it hangs from a tree
of much importance
by a formidable serpent
at this juncture
between darkness and light?

yes, life may be easy
and life may be good
and there's not many complaints, one could assume

and yet,
do not underestimate
the human capacity
for ennui
in paradise:
that insane boredom
only happy people
can dare
to display

and the thirst for a challenge
an adventure
a dare:
the urge
to take a risk
just because:

and, in the end,
do not we
deserve to know?
are we not gods
over life and death?

or, if not,
should we not be?

why not?



in his forward-thinking way
it seemed quite logical
to rebel
against the gods
and bring us
unworthy ones
the light
in hope
it would change us
transform us
elate us
remake us
in his image:

light-bringers we,
children of the bringer of fire,
the bringer of light

as he took fire
from his own divinity
and gave it to us
his divine light
with us mortal souls

this light-bringer, luci-fer,
this morning-star
in his fall from the gods
punished by the gods
redeemed us
by bringing us
eternal light

this morning-star
by an empire, by the gods,
this god that sided with us,
this god with us,
this morning star,

is the fruit of the rebellion
against the divine order
supported by a divine champion
and bringer of light
of culture
of art
of questioning
of revolution
of asking "why" and "no" and "why not?"

oh, how hast thou been demonized

and your revolution
has been undone
by dozing sheep

Prometheus / Luciferens / IMMANUEL

Interlude One: Dia/Bolos: Genius Loki

where there is light
must there be darkness

where there is order
must there be disorder

where there is joy
must there be pain

plus one minus one equals zero
zero equals minus one plus one

this nuclear collision
matter, antimatter, and light it creates
but light, once spoken, may create matter, antimatter

and nothingness
is a nothingness that is
that is containing
dueling opposing somethings
a circle of life in discourse caught

where there is pain
must there be joy

where there is disorder
must there be order

where there is darkness
must there be light

Dia/Bolos: Genius Loki

2: Requiem

Expelled Truth & Lies Exile This Day Uncovering Missing the Mark Filled With Tears Sacrifice Sanctity Lambs in the Slaughterhouse


imagine we
to have been expelled
from paradise
from this garden
of perfection
of safety
of home:

and yet,
what place could that have possibly been
if we would not have known
the knowledge
over good and evil?

or maybe,
we are aware
that the way we live now
trapped within this torturous dichotomy
is far away from paradise,
and to know a world beyond,
Jenseits von Gut und Böse,
beyond "good" and "evil",
would truly be paradise

yet are truly we expelled?
or do we refuse to be at home?
delude we us
about whether we belong here
or not
in futile a notion
of resistance
and rebellion
and resentment?



I believed
so very naively
that truth will win out
that logic shall shine the way

right now,
oh so primitively,
emotions are ruling the day
emotions are ruining everything
that logic built

while logic
is not immune to lies,
and yet, there are procedures in place,
and truth can, will, shall out

the rule of emoting
knows just right
knows just wrong
no complexities or nuance
only tears,
false tears, mostly,
in the mission of resentment

we have become some rather devious fatherfuckers

Truth & Lies


to have to live
in this other place
this place far from home
is not quite ideal
but quite a seduction as well:
this grass can indeed be greener
and once you get used to the small list of things
(the excessive litany of things so different and so strange)
you might well find
that you like your new life:

this is the ultimate punishment:
to like your exile
and prefer it
over your home

you've now become a traitor
to your past self

have chosen
a prison of your own desire,
for your desire you have chosen,
have desired this choice,
this day,



this day
dies illa
this day of wrath
dies irae
in which the world is made soluble in dust
solvet seclum in favilla
as it was prophesied in some ancient book, to David by Sibyl
teste David cum Sibylla


I see wrath and rage and anger and despair
all around me now
it's sickening
times are difficult in 2018, apparently,

I cannot much change the world
I cannot much be listened to
not enough of a narcissist,
I fear

and yet
all this complaining
all this whining
on this date
this day
illa die

80 years

is that a call for rage?
it certainly is a call
for decency
for humanity
for reality
for surviving
for hope
and for Never Again

This Day


beneath it all
beneath our façade
lurks the real us
the real ego
the real id
and super-ego, also real

we are nothing but layers upon layers
the most intimate of the psyche
of the soul
guide and also betray us
but without them
we'd be blind
and yet, with then,

what do we see?



not always can we
towards a problem
sometimes just
we miss the mark
defy perfection
and go the other way

return we should
and try again
rethink perfection

Missing the Mark


there's regret
there'll always be regret
memory's too strong
and pulls us back
holds us tight
keeps us close
keeps it close
so it can strike
any moment

Filled With Tears


all our lives
are built
on the sacrifice of others
or unwilling
we live
because others
have suffered
have died
are suffering
are dying

this is not guilt-tripping
this is not overstating the case
this is simply
the facts

Jesus is just a symbol
for this world without end:
such suffering
needs to be meaningful
needs to be seen
to be redeeming

we need to be doing the redeeming though
it's our task
we need to be doing the saving as well
it's our task
the redeemer does not redeem without us
the savior does not save without us
redemption is not given, but earned
and you cannot be saved from complicity by denying it

but let us find a better sacrifice
not one that actually requires
the expulsion of the scapegoat into the desert:
let us at least try
in our messed-up life
we should at least try
even if we fail

let the sacrifice of others
mean something
for the world

suscipiat dominus sacrificium de manibus nostris
per saecula saeculorum



everything holy
is being profaned

some things thought holy
may need some critical reflection, though

yet does that mean
that nothing is holy?

that nothing is holy
other than to those claiming to be religious?

if nothing is holy
then what about you? your life? your own sanctity?

ecce homo:
this is the essence
of what we all are
of what we can be
of what we all will be

a fragile medium-sized bipedal ape
with, granted, some wits and some skills,
yet nevertheless,
a naked ape,
in an increasingly artificial habitat

can we keep violating
our own sanctity
for that much longer?

we've already profaned the planet
and everything else,
alas this last resort, the appeal to selfishness, to self-preservation:

do we not see
where this thing is headed?
if nothing at all
is sacred anymore,
then neither are us,
and all we are,
is homo sacer,
free to be destroyed
and tossed into flames
of quite our own making

let that day of wrath
never come
let this day here
be better
and let there be
holiness still:

otherwise, what would be the point?



we follow our guardians
as they must know best for us
they've raised us
fed us
taught us
loved us
kept us safe from harm
all the time

until now

do not underestimate
the possibly drastic nature of change

it has gone well up to this point
why worry?

but the past
is not prolog
yet it can be inspiration

you better watch out

Lambs in the Slaughterhouse


September 6th, 2015 - ...

© Phil John Kneis. all rights reserved   · - internet diary · poetry · serial photography
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