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  phase 6: zêtesis kai hairesis

POEMS GROUP 23: DHARMAH
Dharmah - religion, life-code, way of good living, duty

Category 5: Dissolutions

Section Index


  1. And Then
  2. To See Another World
  3. What There Is
  4. There'a a Road
  5. If You Think
  6. Only a Memory
  7. What Do I Want to Say
  8. Things Are Breaking Down, My Dear
  9. Dead Websites
  10. I Need to Believe
  11. Loosen
  12. Veritability
  13. Roads to Inspiration
  14. Choice of Art
  15. What Ever Is Happening Now
  16. I Do Not Want To Be Normal
  17. Life Review
  18. An Emptiness In/Significant
  19. All Life Is A Dream
  20. Good Night To All
  21. For Reals
  22. This Is Never Going to Happen to Me
  23. Ever Never More
  24. Where I am Now
  25. Unicorn
  26. Connection Lost
  27. Memento Mori
  28. Syllogy XLI: The Garden


  What's Related  
  Subsequent Pages - Poems  
 






Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS I:
AND THEN
Corvallis, December 28th, 2012 - P#601


and then
you think
what is life all about
what's in store for us yet
will it all once make sense
or is all we will be
simply lost
on a path
of uncertainty
and maybe there's not even that:
can
this one
be
at all?



PJK
December 28th, 2012 / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS II:
TO SEE ANOTHER WORLD
Corvallis, February 5th, 2013 - P#602


to see another world
to feel it, touch it, ravage it
and see its end
its almost every end
foreseeable
foreknowable
foraching
forsaking
everything
and nothing
: a new world
that did not exist before
that is empty
and of no one
how could this be
that such a creation
could be forsaken by us
if it has been forsaken
by everyone already



PJK
February 5th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS III:
WHAT THERE IS
Corvallis, February 6th, 2013 - P#603






there is







PJK
February 6th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS IV:
THERE'S A ROAD
Corvallis, February 10th, 2013 - P#604


there's a road
that should not be talked about
that should not be followed
that should not even be considered
for it's leading nowhere
nowhere fast
nowhere at all
and all in it, drawn
to the lure
of nothingness
revelatory bliss:
a nothing that is
is that a nothing?
is there not
another way to go?
across the waters
far, far, far, far; far too much: yet home
in exile, all roads could lead home
while home, all roads lead away from it
I could quite think some more about this here
and seek my home across the seas
and yet, my dear, my new home, is near: quite here
maybe
home
is never
singular



PJK
February 10th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS V:
IF YOU THINK
Corvallis, February 27th, 2013 - P#605


if you think
you believe in god
you will be in
for harsh quite a landing

the loving god
the nurturing god
the kindest god
the baby jeeezus

oh well
that is one way of looking at this

but, you know, there is always
a counterpoint
a counter-image
that you simply can't shake --
and I know, oh, how I know, that you'd like to so much --
for the message of love
the message of understanding
the message of belonging
is met by indifference
and quite apparent sadism:
god wills it, they say:
-- then, how much, in fact, did he will?
and if he's so willing, how much of that is transferred unto us?



PJK
February 27th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS VI:
ONLY A MEMORY
Corvallis, March 7th, 2013 - P#606


a narrative
of what has been
and what will never be
again:

it hits you the most
when you still can remember
while everyone else
is too young

the smell of the prairies
the sounds of the forest
the star-spangled sky
and the silence of the rocks:

who walked back then
is only a memory
if it is being told
and is allowed to be told

and contrary to what we like to hear
voices can be silenced
people removed
and memories be made forgotten

and not always
will there be something new emerging
redefining and resurging
after the old



PJK
March 7th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS VII:
WHAT DO I WANT TO SAY
Corvallis, April 26th, 2013 - P#607


I want to say
that every day
nothing's yet lost
that every day
there is a chance
that all throughout life
you will be asked
to commit
one way, the other, or a compromise
that one
is probably better
than the two extremes
discrediting themselves:
follow the real path
the dharma
and you shall see
finally
all
there
is



PJK
April 26th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS VIII:
THINGS ARE BREAKING DOWN, MY DEAR
Corvallis, May 19th - August 1st, 2013 - P#608


things are breaking down, my dear
sanity's performed, I fear
after million, million cuts
everything inside just shuts
down and down and down once more
not quite joyous as before
death herself comes quite announced
and her trumpet quiet'ly sounds
in the million, million things
from beginnings on, it rings
and times there are I start to wonder
'bout the voyage down to 'yonder:
't seems to me, and I would reckon
that everything that's here to beckon
and waiting in the wings, this death,
to claim what she already hath:
till I don't quite decide I'm done
for how much more I dare to shun
this call to end it, bring it close:
I can't but help to feel morose:

and yet
I can keep telling me each day:
this awful reminder of days mostly past
here also reminds me
that while this is embedded in the now indeed
and every moment does contain a core of it:
there's far too much living to be done
right here
right now



PJK
August 1st / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS IX:
DEAD WEBSITES
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#609


happiness
kills creativity
in art:
however
how much more
creative
can it be
to create perfect happiness
between two people
directly?
sometimes
indeed
the private
is
political
indeed



PJK
June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS X:
I NEED TO BELIEVE
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#610


I need to believe
that feeling
will be
important



PJK
June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XI:
LOOSEN
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#611


sometimes
it feels
I need to loosen my mind
(lest lose it I should)
and just let it flow
and let the mind
now supersede the brain
and let me speak
where silent I'd have been



PJK
June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XII:
VERITABILITY
Corvallis, June 2nd, 2013 - P#612


beyond the walls
of appearances
there needs to be a way
for ideas
to take flight
and for truth
to be known:
I will not be accepting
the limitations of the cave
as final revelation:
must I not
despite it all
seek to carry on
and feel?
if thinking is not sufficient
not enough to tear down these walls



PJK
June 2nd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XIII:
ROADS TO INSPIRATION
Corvallis, July 16th, 2013 - P#613


life is usually assumed to be about possibilities
about all it has in store for you
about what will happen
what is all possible
and any new person
is the greatest gift to you, potentially

yes, indeed

that was then, though

I had been inspired

I had a dream

but can I hold on to a dream?
Tim Hardin thinks I can't

I hate this
I keep the dream
I have the dream
I am happy

and yet
around me
things are changing

people do not live forever
people do not stay in touch forever

I am tortured by cords cut loose
by not knowing what had happened
with a person close to me

and while I am living the (almost) perfect life
the substance of my past is crumbling
disintegrating with each passing breath

who was this? I know them. where are they?
we used to be close. not even a clue now.
the matrix of Gallifrey stays quiet.

there's entropy all around me
even within me, I guess, educatedly,
which means, things fall apart,
which means, death is all around me (us, rather)

ain't it strange how quickly we went from life to death?

it is quite as if eros and thanatos were quite connected
this road now seems quite inspired
yet morbidly
cynically
less - alive? - or more - advanced?

I am not sure I am liking this quite

I am watching Kevin Smith, at fourty,
talking about turding while stoned

I guess
this is
enough for now
I have not solved any problem
I have not produced an aesthetic masterpiece
I honestly don't know what this is

I guess it's on the road to somewhere

inspired?
oh, surely, let's hope so



PJK
July 16th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XIV:
CHOICE OF ART
Corvallis, July 25th, 2013 - P#614


if art indeed
can suffer, maybe
from happiness in love
and would succeed much more
under conditions of unhappiness thus
alas, not-love,
what am I to make of this?
choose the emotional vampire I
or what makes me, us! happy?
maybe me, myself and Art
need talk this out
an intervention, you might say
and investigation
of the oldest abyss
of art herself



PJK
July 25th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XV:
WHAT EVER IS HAPPENING NOW
Corvallis, July 29th, 2013 - P#615


what ever is happening now
is very important
in its insularity
yet paling in comparison
with those events that make a day a special one
by having the loneliest of all the temporal units be its lowliest:
a day compared to weeks months years eons all
what could a day but merely achieve
in the presence of something so much greater - and still:
by finding something smaller still
the day finds the seconds the minutes the hours
drowning all pain away, Mrs Dalloway,
and Richard feels for his soul to be lifted his body must fall



PJK
July 29th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XVI:
I DO NOT WANT TO BE NORMAL
Corvallis, August 1st, 2013 - P#616


can I not be different?
is there a right life in the false one?
ss there a false consciousness, or is life just life?

is it wrong to want to have retirement?
is it wrong to want to have health insurance?
is it wrong to think practical?

but I want to have big thoughts
I think I know what is best for others
do i?
how dare I?

Darn.

Yarn.

Is this a poem?



PJK
August 1st / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XVII:
LIFE REVIEW
Corvallis, July 31st - P#617


life takes turns
there are no easy flows
no easy decisions
no easy directions:

life takes turns
you may be left
you may be center
you may be right
and all not for worse to wear, I presume:

life takes turns
but you can hardly overturn them
a direction once entered
cannot that easily be reversed
and a decision made
may have been made for a good reason

reason

life takes turns for reasons

how now then for unreason?

I should probably not be an artist
should not even aspire to be one
should not even dare to do what I am itching to do
what IT is driving me to do

why
cannot I
aim for posterity too?

why
cannot I
take a shot at (relative) immortality
as well?

(had to put the relative in there - I may be a romantic sometimes -
but I do not want to be delusional:
in a thousand years,
will they read Shakespeare, Auster, Rowling, or Tolkien?)

(in a thousand years, we may all be dust and glad to be a memory at all)

(pray that the Pyramids at least survive)
(whoever comes after us should be as confused as we are)
(and, at the very least, inspired)

what gave me inspiration today?
that very old, tried and true, and depressingst of all, old adage:
memento mori
how nice it sounds
how cruel its meaning:

and yet, how true

life takes turns
but the final one
it will
in the end
come
without warning

what will you have done
till then?

tempus fugit



PJK
July 31st / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XVIII:
AN EMPTINESS IN/SIGNIFICANT
Bend, August 24th, 2013 - P#618


this is not a stable world
things seem bobbing up and down now
cannot focus
cannot see
shaking all beyond its foundations
founded once proudly and surely
but now
here remains
but a pitiful shadow
a likeness
a form
a naked form
an idea stripped down
so much of its once fancy entourage
and apparatus:
finally then:
the naked meme
the empty signifier
floating there
wondering
what does it all mean?

all I can say
looking at the meme as such:

you tell me
can I have not a single clue
if of all my memes
you were my last:
and I am quite the lonely vessel now
the empty signified
holding hands
with the empty signifier
at the end
of the wor(l)d



PJK
August 24th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XIX:
ALL LIFE IS A DREAM
Corvallis, September 3rd, 2013 - P#619


there're voices sometimes in the night
they're calling me, seductively,
to listen quite intent'ly thus
to lead me quietly into
another world
another place:

and yet I sense
that something's wrong
that some things are'nt
quite what they seem
what they should seem
were they to be seen:

appear they though
as real as life
just dreams deep down
is all they are;
and all I see
is world without end

and ask I shall now:
do sleep I or wake
the answer's not quite
what I would expect:
in retrospect
all life is dream, all dream is life?



PJK
September 3rd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XX:
GOOD NIGHT TO ALL
Corvallis, September 9th, 2013 - P#620


a sleepness night can reach you
more than you ever wanted to be reached

a sleepness night can teach you
more than you ever wanted to be taught:

your life
as you think it is
is not quite controlled by the ego, my dear

the id takes over
in moments of frailty
in moments of stress
of normality challenged
decentered
and wronged;

the id
the primal identifier
lowest (?) base
and clearest sign
we're all just apes
barely evolved
apes with bling, maybe
in houses, ticky-tacky ones,
still, deeply, subconsciously, waiting to please the id
on a much grander scale

some tend to snack in the night
some seem to fill it with, let's call it romance,
some tend to mark off their territory
some do it by using poison gas
some by claiming to prevent it from happening:

it's not really
kill or be killed
but rather
a constant negotiation
over appreciation
whose side
holds more merit
whose side
holds more je ne sais quoi

I wish I could believe other things other times
and I do
yet whenever I return to a night rejecting my need for sleep
(maybe wanting me to write?)
I realize
the crazy things happening
at the dead of night
(and would you not have to be up at night pondering such decisions, my dears)

so that basically
all of us
are given
yet another demonstration
of the power of it
of the power of id
and of the relative weakness
of ego and super ego

I dimly remember
Nietzsche warning of this
yes, you should read the strange and depressing ones
they know the night
and thus
the day

oh, how more urgent then this wish becomes:
good night to all
good luck even more
and peace be on earth

yeah, right
as if optimism could save us here



PJK
September 9th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXI:
FOR REALS
Corvallis, September 24th, 2013 - P#621


don't I know
things are complicated
ain't not easy
rather terrifyingly complex

don't I know it
communicate I may attempt
yet won't succeed that eas'ly here:
on this here planet of denial

do I know it
life is not an open book
and there are many different ways
of not answering the questions most pertinent

do I know
I wish I knew
for all I ever want to know
is: how are you doing, really, and what can I do to make it better?

(and maybe, just maybe, some one will ask me for reals as well, just please?)



PJK
September 24th / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXII:
THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME
Corvallis, October 2nd, 2013 - P#622


we are kidding ourselves
gladly
and happily
and knowingly

see we images of suffering and pain
the thought of empathy
pushed aside initially
by the sigh of relief: it's not me

(yet?)

sometimes
it is just easier
to see the other
simply as other

but the self
remains an illusion
as well
in this game of deceit



PJK
October 2nd / November 3rd, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXIII:
EVER NEVER MORE
Pendleton, September 20th, 2013 - P#623


where am I now?
and does this matter?
yet another place to be gone to
to be going
to be gone:

life passes by so slowly sometimes
so we decide
let's pass it by
on our own
get a kick out of it
seeing the sights
and sounds
of Evermore:

who am I now?
and does this matter?
yet another moment to go through
to be going
to be gone

death passes by so slowly sometimes
so we decide
let's pass it by
on our own
get a kick out of it
seeing the sights
and sounds
of Nevermore:

quoth' the raven indeed



PJK
September 20th / November 9th, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXIV:
WHERE I AM NOW
Corvallis, November 16th, 2013 - P#624


where I am now
everyone I once knew
back home
is merely a memory
a voice, occasionally
a visit, so rarely now

change is quite so underestimated
in its preparation, it's unreal
in its happening, it's strange
and real it becomes, almost in passing
through the passing
of time

does time know?
does time care?
does time matter?
how do I bear
being split apart
into continents adrift
and past, present, future so disjoint?



PJK
November 16th / December 9th, 2013







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXV:
UNICORN
Corvallis, January 13th, 2014 - P#625


What kind of planet is this, you ask?

If someone found a unicorn,
a most precious single unicorn,
to be preserved for all of us,
a wond'rous miracle to behold,
someone else,
would hunt it,
kill it,
sell it,
eat it.

Just because.



PJK
January 13th, 2014







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXVI:
CONNECTION LOST
Corvallis, May 26th, 2014 - P#626


I guess, a sign of advancing age
is the sense of advancing loss:
all too many people I've known
and that were so dear to me
that have been important
in so many ways
have faded away
due to time, work, family, distance

how did this happen? Why does this happen?
so I am left only with a memory
and a cut-off understanding of who they now are:
this disturbs me, and it's a feeling of utter helplessness
and a reminder
that the little time you have, you better use
and even though there once may have been a spark
and a connection so perfect and grand

the connection is lost now
and people become memories
shadows, specters even
and my life
unravels
friend by friend
moment by moment
till I, myself, need not care anymore.

I'm not quite there
yet



PJK
May 26th / August 3rd, 2014







Phil John Kneis:
DHARMAH - DISSOLUTIONS XXVII:
MEMENTO MORI
Corvallis, August 2nd, 2014 - P#627


for K.





maybe it's because I ain't no big philosopher
but there is just one little wisdom I've learned
just one little big saying
that to me
is all I must teach you, my child:

memento mori
remember you'll die

I know, you are too young just now
and life is all ahead of you
and family and friends are all around you
surely
nothing ever would change that, would it?

memento mori
mind well that you'll die

and if you do,
and you love someone, now is your chance to show it.
and you miss someone, now is your time to call them.
and you've hurt someone, now is your time to repent to them
and you've been less a person than you should have, now grow
and you've been meaning to help, then now do
and you've been pushing your dreams by the side, now reconsider them

memento mori
you'll only live once

life is a gift
and if there's one sin, it's to squander what's given to you
be mindful of that
and discover, explore, create, lose yourself, find it again, and live
(within reason, of course, I'm your grandfather, after all, so nothing too crazy)

memento mori
remember to live, and hang on to it, death comes on its own

nothing can ever be so bad
that you'd want to sacrifice it all
the world is ambiguous at best
the love that you need is the love you create -
for if you truly, selflessly love, you'll be loved
maybe not in the way that you hoped, but the way that you need it

memento mori
remember dying

you're alive because others are not anymore
you're standing on the shoulders of so many people
so many families, tribes, nations, humanity, evolution, the whole world, nay, universe even
as Carl Sagan once said, we're all star stuff
as the Doctor once said, he has never met anyone who was not important
you are important
but you're not alone:
you're everyone
you're humanity
you're life
you're the universe
in itself,
world without end:
no pressure, as they say; and everything within reason.
you are the legacy of everything before you:

memento mori
what will you leave behind?



PJK
August 2nd/3rd, 2014







Phil John Kneis:
SYLLOGY XLI:
DHARMA - DISSOLUTIONS XXVIII:

Tetralogy II Part Two


The Garden



Corvallis, March 28, 2014 - ... - P#628






EXPOSITION:


INVOCATION

PART ONE: IN PARADISUM










INVOCATION

The alternative road
Taken or not
Will lead it back to the woods
Or into the desert
Across the sea
To farthest stars
Or is it an ambling road
Leading to a garden
A city
Or ruins,
After all?



I. THE GARDEN

we've been claiming
we've been displaced
from a garden so pretty
a garden so perfect
a garden so grand
that nothing much better
would ever've existed:
and then
woman (allegedly) chose to listen to snake
and to seek truth
and here we are
(allegedly) screwed



II. PARADISE

the promise of paradise
is quite an outrageous one:
of perfect a happiness
and a status closest to the divine:
a garden, of course, in the dunes, of the desert, what a sight!
yet now: do we get the function of the Garden still?
have we not
commodified
salvation
and made it something
sanitized, uplifting, and nice?
well, why the heck not, I'd like to say
why not exchange lofty goals
and heavy-handed, philosophical ones,
for something quite real,
graspable,
liveable:
yearn I for paradise?
who knows, if it even exists,
and I surely hope that if there's a god, it's a loving one, who'd know what I mean
in the meantime
I'd just like to,
in my little mundane and quite real
version of the myth-laden garden in the dunes:
I'd like to enjoy,
sometimes,
the here and there
without too much philosophizing
and just be
within nature, contained, and tamed,
my self



III. WORLD WITHOUT END

I

cogs are we
insignificant
in the large scheme
of things
maybe, realizing this,
we've been claiming saviors of all sorts
protecting us
in a world without end
for ever and ever
such strangest a concept
and imagined, surely, more than anything else:
eternity
is a promise
and a curse
to those well aware
of their mortality
so then,
do we need to
artificially be
insisting
on living for ever?
taming nature
for culture to thrive?
taming the id
for the ego
to shine?
we are all just
grains of sand on the beach
hoping to have been counted
by a benevolent master -
while probably knowing (despite all our hope)
that all we are
is grains of sand
on the beach
and probably,
no master in sight
all our meaning
can only be constructed
by ourselves
hence, the panicking

II

seek order we
in the clear agreement
that all here is
is panic
and pain
and permanent, all-pervading loss
need we to impress ourselves
in our manic drive to create order everlasting
in a way mostly seen as permanent
as a governor, creator, maker, decider
seems, so much in life is beyond our control
while little areas seem manageable almost



IV. THESE MOMENTS

these moments
where every thing is dressed in light
and every one is here
and every one feels close to me
and all is bright and fine and light:
I know,
an illusion,
but sometimes
some moments
make me see
this
ALL:



V. PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Everything around you could come crumbling down any moment.

You need to cling to what is good and beautiful and useful in your life.

Strife is constant, and needs to be endured, fought when possible.

But life in itself is the ultimate value, and needs to be cherished, showing grace under pressure, a sense for the big picture over the small, and for the sanctity of your private life with family, friends and colleagues.

There should be sanctity in work as well, focusing on service, duty, camaraderie, and an ethos of true care and compassion, subsumed under the mission of the workplace.

The workplace should contribute to your fulfillment as a person, but you should never be a slave to it - and the personal needs to become a priority over the professional in terms of crisis.



VI. PROSE AND POETRY

probably
you'd expect as cleanest a separation
between the genres of poetry and prose:
and yet,
don't they seem to be rather complementary?
there's poetry hidden
in the most driest descriptions of life;
and prose may create poetry
by just so desperately asking for it:
the expressions of life
should well be plentiful
and multiple:
for whose life is really just simple?



- TO BE CONTINUED -



PJK
September 6th, 2015





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