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  phase 5: logoi kai erga

POEMS GROUP 21: VIDYAA
Vidyaa - learning, science

Category 1: Transfigurations

Section Index


  1. Hotel Night
  2. Artiste I
  3. Bar Stool
  4. Artiste II
  5. Club Night
  6. Minimal Music
  7. Alabaster
  8. Audacity
  9. Love
  10. Call
  11. Waiting
  12. Hidden Poem
  13. Syllogy XXIX: Vampire


  What's Related  
  Subsequent Pages - Poems  
 






Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS I:
HOTEL NIGHT
Roma, July 25th, 2005 - P#316


strange noises
in a hotel night
is that a bear
snoring next door
and why
did that woman
reach perfect happiness
at 2:15
and,
why quite
so audibly?



PJK
July 25th / September 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS II:
ARTISTE I
Berlin, September 17th, 2005 - P#317


how
once hear I the music
so played
and so echoing
once I look
at who is performing
how strangest an image:
the techno-beat
an awe-inspiring, massive, driving undertaking
and the guy b'hind the table
so fragile
so skewed
so child-like:
and artist
yeah, the definition of an artist quite so:
how out of sensitivity, comes force
an energy
a devil's drumbeat
played
by the hands
of an angel



PJK
September 17th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS III:
BAR STOOL
Berlin, September 17th, 2005 - P#318



the bar stool is a friend
a temporary one
but still
allows it me
a fixed position
from which to focus
my thoughts
(if there are any)



PJK
September 17th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS IV:
ARTISTE II
Berlin, September 17th, 2005 - P#319


art
is a disease
otherwise
called schizophrenia
a split in two (or more)
(I split my self in two)
the only way
to quite contain
and not set loose
'pon real life
what would belong
to the beauty
of the night



PJK
September 17th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS V:
CLUB NIGHT
Berlin, September 17th, 2005 - P#320


black
dark
red
dark-bright
some blue
a bit of white
the clinging of glasses
a smell of ciggy smoke
some beer
the air
ethereal
the night's almighty
only to be
conquered
by the thuds melodic
a noisy everything
embalming all
uncalming all
and resurrecting
what thought lost
throughout the day



PJK
September 17th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS VI:
MINIMAL MUSIC
Berlin, September 17th, 2005 - P#321


like shattered glass
the drive now beating
the beat now driving
like a drug
feeding
directly
into the brain
the anti-Einstein
anti-thought
the purest meme-flow
purest life
and purest inciter
dancing
shaking
waking something
thought forgotten
a minimalist maximizing
of the drive beneath it all
(how much so seem techno and Glass all alike!)
now lose yourself
in the music
of the night
this pitch
is alive



PJK
September 17th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS VII:
ALABASTER
Eichwalde, September 29th, 2005 - P#322


in this dream
there was a play
at the beginning of a congress
a woman, masked
with whiteness all
except her eyes
playing
with a man
a game of masks

I talked to a friend
after that
I thought she had something in her eye
a dried tear, maybe
but when I looked closer
it was a half-eaten fig
she smiled

after that
I went for a walk
for the exhibition
surrounding the talks
the things
the stuff
they wanted us to see
they wanted to see us

when I walked down the hallway
I saw a girl
her eyes
familiar
the ones she seduced me with during the play
(seducing everyone, and no one)
the rest
unknown
previously covered behind her mask
I could only guess
and even if
(how) do you approach
an artist
without her mask?
and you always naked?

anyway,
two men were with her
talking

I went farther
seeing some structure
some things
exhibited
an exhibition
of materials
('twas a medical congress)
some books
some pens
some pills
some statues
I went closer
into an area closed
they were giving out tickets,
the last one sold 'fore mine very own eyes
a woman,
beautiful,
with longish black hair
and a sense of softness
exuding
from her
going
into the back

what I saw
was two statues
no, three
were there some further in the background?
white statues of people
with a strange, soapy foam
making them look like white marble almost
in positions
quite known
and obscene so
how thrilling
posing
in poses
demonstrating something
(medical?)

I looked at that woman atop of that man
the statue turned her face at me!
I gasped
she smiled
he moved his thing
I turned

into the woman who'd got the last ticket
coming on towards me
with her alabaster skin
covered in this strange, soapy foam
she could hardly see
some foam covered her eyes
I moved towards her
wanted to feel her
nakedness
softness
wetness
took my hand
moved it up
wanted to push it against her
decided (no, who decided that?)
against that
and took her hand
her small hand
gently
she shivered
I helped her see towards her destination
she wanted to go
who was I to hold her
I let her go
she turned to me
with her half-covered eyes
she smiled at me seductively
"will I be seeing you tonight at that club,
at a real party?"
and went

I left

now it was dark

in the end
I had a notion of people whispering in a small room
"how will you repay us?"
"I have my resources"
pointing towards a bundle of documents
(extortion?)
"and if that don't work?"
pointing towards a blanket
removing it
underneath
a woman
with an alabaster skin
tied
gagged
shivering
her!

I woke



PJK
September 29th / 30th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS VIII:
AUDACITY
Berlin, October 14th, 2005 - P#323


the definition
of art
the main requirement
for an artist
to be



PJK
October 14th/15th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS IX:
LOVE
Berlin, October 21st, 2005 - P#324


at time's end
(during the darkest of the night)
who'd you be crazy 'bout losing
(who'd you be crazy ha'in lost)
who'd you want
be with
even if were it
for the last
fleeting
moment?



PJK
October 21st/26th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS X:
CALL
Berlin, October 21st, 2005 - P#325


and in the end
(when all is said and done)
there will be a call
saying
'tis alright
my dear
no matter what happened
no matter
at all



PJK
October 21st/26th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS XI:
WAITING
Berlin, October 24th, 2005 - P#326


I don't wanna be
the strong one
all of the time
the one
depended upon
the one
feeling the weight of the world on one's shoulders
some times
I feel like breaking apart
breaking down
and falling
endlessly
just falling
whether or not
there's someone to hold me
I don't even care
I don't even care
I just wanna stop
some time
yes, time needs to stop
but not be turned back
(no never, however we want to)
just simply, to stop
for a moment
(for the wallowing tears)
and later
resume
for still, I do care
and still, I do wait
and carry the weight
of the world
in my heart
nite-nite



PJK
October 24th/26th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS XII:
HIDDEN POEM
Cologne, November 4th, 2005 - P#327


somewhere
there's a poem
lurking
beneath all text
trying
not to be found
desperately
so



PJK
November 4th/13th, 2005







Phil John Kneis:
SYLLOGY XXIX:
VIDYAA - TRANSFIGURATIONS XIII:

Vampire

Eichwalde / Berlin, Oct 21th - Dec 31st, 2005 - P#328


EXPOSITION:


I. INVOCO
II. RETRO 1
III. INTRO
IV. LAMENTO
V. ILLVDO
VI. IMITOR
VII. OBSCVRO
VIII. QVAESO
IX. SVGO
X. APPAREO
XI. RETRO 2
XII. REDDO
XIII. DESID(ER)O
XIV. SPERO
XV. MORIOR
XVI. MORDEO
XVII. CADO
XVIII. VERTO
XIX. COGNOSCO
XX. SVM






I. INVOCO


some things need be written
at night
when it's dark
when the darkness outside
mirrors the feelings
inside
the terrifying clarity
of life
the obsession
with what cannot be helped
the imposition
of fantasy
upon reality
a battle of wills, bluntly put
the things inside
the little figments
created
interfering
with whatnot
all deemed important

life's crushing in
the little things
we're surrounding us with
suffocating
what we're about
but first: we must know it

what am I?
where go I?
who knows it?
needs it be found?
maybe it's found already
and instead of waiting for the dust to settle
can't I not
see through it,
my self?

have created I this figment
this vision unreal
and unreached
but well touching my mind
making me
(I'm letting my self be made)
a carrier
(of a sickness called art)
a conduit
(of a message called art)
a bender
(of a distortion called art)

so tell me, o Muse
yes, I need some time with my muse
all other things
be pushed away
for now
like Dante wrote of Beatrice
there is this image in my mind
inside my head
insane my head
by spinning
around
this image of her
a fiction, I know

but one I invoke
one I invite
reality bit me
so now, in turn,
let her take a bite
and her lead the ride
and me be the mirror
so tell me, o Muse




II. RETRO 1


there are times I like to wonder
'bout the things
that brought me here

the people
foremost
who've propelled me
into being
what now
I am
what seem I
to be
(what've seen I
to be)




III. INTRO


don't wanna lie down
to sleep
'tis not the sleep though
'tis the waiting in the dark
before it's over for the day
how but feels it
that this should be over
over and out
so much more
the demons inside
can silent the night just
can silent the fight just
the calm
covering all calamities
under a coat
of negation
just before
the implosion
of the self
unto it's deepest fears
and longings
eros now
and thanatos
the Janus-faced duel
inside
inciter-destroyer
so one and the same
and not just
during the darkness
of errant thoughts
and hopes once lost




IV. LAMENTO


at time's end
(during the darkest of the night)
who'd you be crazy 'bout losing
(who'd you be crazy ha'in lost)
who'd you want
be with
if even were it
for the last
fleeting
moment?

is there a moment
a last one
meaning, a lasting one
one
which lasts
won't go away
won't deny you
one, two, three times, probably
wow, that's a cliché
and strangest though a reconstruction
by the mind
with heart in unison
(the keyboard so near now
I fear
the words jumping
from the keys
right into my fingers
right into my mind
right into my brain
right pushing the words
into the fingers
unto the buttons
and what then went on
in that office upstairs
Brain, CEO,
nobody knows
(well, some sense a hint, and others
afraid
just plainly don't wanna know)
and so
something's missing
missing dearly
hurting me almost -
I need to find it
will take it forever and --
wait, here I found it:
the closing parenthesis)

love's quite the game
I am told
and all's bout the heart --
and what 'bout all else? shall all just recede?
I need to know
there's more
than just love:
for suffer you can
equally
from love not quite found
and love always teased
by friendship
and thoughts




V. ILLVDO


this is important
there's a light
the screen
and the lamp
communicate they?
make brighter the game they?
or frighter it then
fright
wait
'tis important what happens on the screen when you are drunk
or disordinated
drunk driving kills
drunk writing
oh
it has been known
and is currently showing
the viled form of writing known as coherence
revealed
as a construction
an empty one
one above all though:
the fingers need to be kept in control
oth3r2usa ew 2iewuk n oczzt jkaniw much of whtw we ubtrebded tr say
see=
the excursion
into fdelirum
shall now
be
be
uns3rtaken much more ferociously and challenglingly
lt it g n
gv t hll

(I need to shut off
the brain
betrayer of life-like-ness
creator of normalcy)

I did this
the argument
for insanity

it needs be assumed
for art once to work
so enter we must

out of the sane
the sane-garden
Zen garden

how distorted now an apparition
an apparition down below
reminding
that not all
is spiritual
in nature
but that some things are hard
and others so soft
and sometimes
the two probably should meet
if they could only find
each other
damn
now
the thinking's started again
but sometimes
near
and far
are one
and the same
(never sane)

(they say
reality's an illusion
caused
by the absence
of Dionysian stuff)




VI. IMITOR


there's something strange
'bout art that is sober
something's missing
something
not channeled
not guided
or thought about
and cleaned:

'tis a matter of genre
convention
and whatnot:
what do you want
art
to be showing:
that
which we need be
or that
which we are?




VII. OBSCVRO


a notion
may sometimes arrive
out of the depths
of ages past
but still
it matters
its question:
is life there still?
(is love there still)
these things
come as natural disasters
they strike
and they cease
you never know when
only
that




VIII. QVAESO


as long as you say you hope
why don't you make sure
why don't you
come closer
and see
for your
self?




IX. SVGO


like my energy's been drained
like my life
is sucked
quite out of my vessels
of blood
I feel
I'm running on empty
nothing will hold me
no one will hold me
I may just quite fold
we
tend
to value
life
as a commodity
but value we
life
once its purpose
has to be made
day by day?




X. APPAREO


why is it
you only appear
when I'm finally about
to have forgotten
all about you?




XI. RETRO 2


what i wrote
together with Dionysos
I could not remember
was afraid
to take a peek
at
it




XII. REDDO


there's no "you" here
neither an "I"
one's the same
the same are one




XIII. DESID(ER)O


I'm quite in strangest mood tonight
a feeling pounding, nagging down, deep down
astrophysics's right, you know
a hole, deeply black
need not be empty
but - quite to the contrary -
be full of it
attracting all
making all quite
gravitate towards it
being engulfed by it
for it's not nothing
no, it's quite everything
and always so much more
than you would have expected

I feel it pulls me down, inside my self,
I'm not quite in it
hovering
in safe a distance
just feeling its lull
and feeling its lure
a siren's song
yes, Black can be beautiful
beautif'lly skewed
sublime an idea
of a world
caught
by primal some notions
I well can quite see it
well can quite feel it
know I the distance still
some moments just
these strangest moods
I feel it pulling me down, my self
I'm not quite in it
but maybe,
I want to




XIV. SPERO


oh, the banality of it all!
we dream of the stars
of the heavens
of might and morals eternally high
yet still
deep down
we're still
just animals
just people
trying to get by
day by day
night by night
hoping still
coping still
still
I'll take honest banality
o'er self-proclaimed greatness
(better just be
a combination thereof)




XV. MORIOR


fascinating
almost
how thanatos
(the drive for death)
is found just like eros
(the drive quite for life)
both so united
deep down?
in unison
or enemies?




XVI. MORDEO


something about the end
is not to be underestimated:
that it's the end
and that nothing comes after

and something else:
that a previous notion
of things coming after
was falsely seen soothing, before

still, it is poisoning
deeply, deep down
securities held, even false ones so utterly,
once lost, they still hurt

and while I've rejected
false hopes and false faiths
still do I wish
they were true

the betrayal
of the self
the greatest motivator
of all

for if there's no God to have faith in
what's left then?
just us
and inside quite, just me

oh, ain't that a burden

"when I was a child,
I spake as a child,
I understood as a child,
I thought as a child:
but when I became a man,
I put away childish things"

yet sometimes
still
I seem to miss
being a child

how I want
this wake
to end
and life
to finally
begin




XVII. CADO


I look at my self
and all I can see
little pieces
scattered around
I'm fragments all over
is there a me there
to be
found?
and even if
should be rebuilt
what's proven so fragile?




XVIII. VERTO


my head is turning
spinning all
around
I'm lying down
unmoved
yet still moving?
turning
prevents fixation
an inner movement
turning outside
now?




XIX. COGNOSCO


when look into the mirror I
still can see a shape, a face I
can see my self I?
well, that may be
but too much to ask for:
still, little steps
can well be made
and I am quite confident
that it's still there




XX. SVM


after all is said and done
there's still a there there
and will be always
if we make it
if we wake
right now
so, open your eyes
and open your heart



PJK
Dec 31, 2005





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