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  phase 4: holon kai meros

Pranah - breath

Category 2: Battlefields

Section Index

  1. Daimonia I: Turn
  2. Daimonia II: The Cold
  3. Daimonia III: Around
  4. Daimonia IV: Seek Out
  5. Daimonia V: Know
  6. Daimonia VI: Face
  7. Daimonia VII: Slay
  8. Daimonia VIII: UR
  9. Daimonia IX: Syllogy XXIII: Demons

  What's Related  
  Subsequent Pages - Poems  

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS I:
Eichwalde, January 9th, 2003 - P#201

Rated R

there's a rhythm pounding in me
rhythm deep
and rhythm striking
rhythm howling deep inside
and makes me go
and makes me see
and makes me see,
a distant haze
and closest fate
and close is distant
distant near
and all now hovers over me
above me, weights I carry
can't control I
once I turn my head around
all it spins the world is spinning
spinning spinning
in my grave I am

spinning spinning
spins the world surround me so
turning surround me
turning against me
I am the chosen place
where everything near's supposed to collapse
supposed to go down
on me
finally, now

screams it here so mute and loudly
screams in tears of blood and pain-killers
give me a moment
a moment to rest here
't will just be
the final'st home
and fakest expecting
expecting I am
expecting I am
expect now the brain-child
they take the results and they
push it and rip it and take it and make it and rape it
just brutally from out of me
my child now my child
o, where art thou now
taken to, where are you
brought now to where can
you rest now at -
never can rest -
never can live -
never can surge -

thoughts, aberrations, narration just here
that's it
that is all there is
nothing to see
go away folks
nothing to see
just me

fuck this motherfuckin' situation
nothing here so distant now
nothing far less than I'd want it
than I'd love it shove it fuck it
bend it stand it break
the flow and break
the life and make
it all anew aworse alone another

life's a palace with the gardens flowering high
full of roses that sting
and lanes now too narrow
you move down there naked
for truth all but looking
for beauty but seeking
for freedom but hoping
in love all believing
but hurt you'll just be
and covered in blood
and turn

January 9th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS II:
Eichwalde, January 9th/11th, 2003 - P#202

the cold gets in at every corner
every place
and every site
it just creeps in
and poisons minds
destroys the hearts
of all affected
and all not caring

it's either us or them, that's all,
and care should neither 'bout the other,
'cause hard a world this is
and hard some choices have to be
and let's get back to business now
and don't we care 'bout hearts all broken
minds corrupted and destroyed
lives in turmoil, without substance
lives abused by greed and cruelty
let the arrogance now reign
let this be a rule of dumbness
rule of bleak stupidity
let the mass stay unaware
leave them out and play the game
look for profit just, and gain
don't you care
'bout human lives

don't you care
'bout those that love you
those that need you
those that hate you
do just care
'bout those you like
and those that agree with you
those that empower you
why, o why,
should you stray and think
should you stray and feel
that would be
quite unproductive
quite staying aside what interests you
why should you care
why even accept someone else
why take the risk to open up
to just now talk
and just now listen
you'd just give up
your empty castle and ivory tower
your bastion of coldness
and reasons pretended
just don't have a hold here
'cause somehow you see
and somehow you know
but still, keep denying
and still, stay outside
just look now for safety
and look for illusions
and look for whatever will ease up your day
while bodies pile up
and hearts will be broken
and minds will turn
to hopeless confusion
and madness inane

and right but you are:
your interests come first
and wrong but you are:
for all is connected
and you're the other
the other's you

let in now the cold you can
and spread now the cold you can
or fight it and bury, oppose and unmake it,
your choice this is still
there's always a choice
there's always a yes, or a no, or a neither,
there always is
the odd way to go
just one thing to do
to turn
the cold

January 9th/11th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS III:
Eichwalde, January 12th, 2003 - P#203

once you've seen
what's out there
once you've realized
what's going on
ideas just,
and just some steps
to carry on
and carry out
the tasks at hand
and not just let
yourself to stumble
yourself to wait upon a chance
'cause now's the time
and now's the place
so make it count
and make it stick
and see the path
spreading all ahead it
all below it
all beyond it
make it count
and make it true
the cold

January 12th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS IV:
Eichwalde, January 13th, 2003 - P#204

seek out what's unseen
seek out what's unwanted
seek out all that's pounding so dearly and deadly
that's pounding so forcefully right now inside of you
right now amidst of your plans and your workings
thrashing all hopes, aspiration and faiths
faith all so slain
can't be regained
cannot be switched
can't be transferred
can just evade
all oldest constructions
must not be hollow
must not be structure unfilled with what's true
seek out what now fear you
seek out what now kills you
seek out and confront it
and question its ways
and question its purpose
but do be prepared
you might not like
quite what you see
but still, there's no way to evade this:
the cold
seek out

January 13th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS V:
Eichwalde, January 14th, 2003 - P#205

know what's to know
see what's to see
hear what's to hear
feel what's to feel

and blinded you'll stay

know what no one wants to know
see what no one dares to see
hear what no one craves to hear
feel what no one minds to feel

it's not the usual that sticks
it's not the tell-tales forged by the powers
it's not the bonds that keep things going
it's not the charades that we all succumb to

the little things, that's what's to know
it's people we should care about
not grand illusions, largest structures,
just come closer, then you'll know

so come now and see, and touch it and grasp it,
there's people hard-working, still hungry, unfree
there's species dying and nature's at stake
you need no grand theories to open your eyes

things we dare not know or see or hear or feel
they're all inside and locked within us
there's a fear we must confront
to overcome what stirs deep down

the cold
seek out

January 14th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS VI:
Eichwalde, January 16th, 2003 - P#206

face your knowledge
face your hopes
face your each and every yearning
there's a picture you'd like see
see her now just to return
just t' be once again just there
a loss that's lost, and fate rewritten
see that image
distant thought
distant haunter of the mind
closest now, like close so ever
and all questions still unanswered
may they now
be put to rest
and seeing just the truth at hand
no questions needed
all's to see

so hope's a place to now be sealed
ain't losing it, just cannot do it
who's important stays that way
who you love can't be unloved
be a friend they or a lover
all's the same
and you are them
and they are you

but hope's a place to now be sealed
and put away it, know its place still
but there's so many things at hand
am losing me
am lost already, truth be told,
yet there's so much that still depends
that still depends on me to function
me to do
and me to be -
so close it up
and face the pain
and face the hole that won't be fixed
and face the wound that will not heal

a gift of pain is still a gift
a gift of harshness to be treasured
for all this makes you
the one to see
the one to be -
so face the pain
and face the demons deep inside you
seek them, know them,
see their faces
know their names:
there's no use in running away
there's no use in losing your way
still all to turn
to brighter, good times

now, you're in hell
enjoy thus the ride
and take the tour
it's on the house, this sadists' place,
so see it through
to once then
the cold
seek out

January 16th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS VII:
Eichwalde, January 18th, 2003 - P#207

slay, be slain,
what's it to be?
dog eats dog
ah, you shall see
it's black and white
yes, that's the thing
it's either-or, it's good and bad
no need for mixtures here, for thinking
it's not the truth we want to see
it's just what deems us fitting more
and what allows us
to go on
to serve ourselves
and put the blame
to those who can't evade our wrath -
those nemeses that just won't budge
those stubborn ones who try to think
or try to live another life
or those who like to piss us off
who won't adhere
to rules and norms
whose mission's all just
to oppose
and some, just some,
may want to hurt
may want to tear just down the world
may want to challenge what we've made
and challenge all it is we stand for
of which we only see the good
and keep ignoring what's just flawed
or what's untrue to hopes so cherished
hopes so vain sometimes and empty
see you now
what's there outside
is here inside
just quite the same
'cause there's no us
and there's no them
and there's no place
outside the world
outside the discourse
'side this all
beneath you now
in strangest forms
and strangest ways
you'll see your self
and see your demons
grown to one
you can't just slay one part and live
you slay the other - slay yourself
the cold
seek out

January 18th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Eichwalde, January 18th-27th, 2003 - P#207

you're the reason
you're the cause
you're the place
it all makes sense at
all falls down
right into place
right into form
and into truth

'cause there's just one truth to be cherished
there's but one that says it all
and makes it all
at once seem right
at once seem perfectly in balance

now it's thrashed and I am trashed
nowhere's hope to find inside of us
nowhere's peace regained inside of me
nowhere's here the fire calming down, deep down
and dreams disrupted must return now
dreams deep down my only refuge
only hope
and only recluse
the fire walks with me right now
it cannot stop and will not stop
nor must it ever, need it deeply,
it's the essence of what's left
of just what's left of who I am
my soul, my bitter, crying heart
all smashed right down so through your acting
through your deeds
and bitterest ignorance

and fire deep below from now will strike
will show the path and show the ways
and obfuscated nothing be
and honorable now we all
and deepest thinking us compels just
nothing's vain and nothing's seeking vanity as cause
all's here filled with truth and honesty
thank the god for making this happen here
making this fruitful for once an approach here
hey, guy, Dion-what's your name? Dionysos, right
thanks a bunch, and thanks for sharing
making us share
making us
tabula rasa
with all those weird stories here all attached to us
all applied to us
we now are strangers
don't know what should fit here
what, that here's my fate? so screw it and fuck it,
don't want it no more
or this? what is better
to fall just so utterly deeply in love, and lose it, and lose even friendship at last,
or not even thinking these ways to be possible,
being just lonely and all so content within

so what had been missing?
had seen you not down there me?
seen you not me
so utterly destroyed
but still, almost, coping
almost but hoping
that love, unfulfilled,
can grow into friendship
a promise was given
I see it so clearly each day but anew
anything I could've done
anything at all I would've done
just you say it, just you name it
here's the one
you just let go
and leave
and force to leave
and kill all hope
and kill all reason
and kill all the love that I sensed but inside you
I'm not a toy, you know
and neither are you
but I could've never
evaded the trap
of just, in the end, quite being a man
that makes them assume all horrible things
that makes them assume all the horrible deeds and the horrible thoughts
all the horrible impulses lurking inside of us, lurking beneath of us,
and being in every, in singlest and singularst single of us,
just worse now in men,
just worse now in me,
and I am the monster,
and I am the devil,
and I am the demon
that won't just let go

you're the reason
you're the cause
you're the place
it all makes sense at
all falls down
right into place
right into form
and into truth

don't you see?
don't you see it?
trust you should where trust you can
I'm not out to tame your wildness
I'm not out to cripple your freedom
for, can't you see?
why can't you see?
why won't you see?
why won't you allow just your self here to see
I love you, dear,
will love you always,
I would die if you could live
I would go through hell if that'll save you
I would die for you
I would live for you
I would seek nothing else
than pleases you,
and makes you stronger, makes you better, makes you happy
I'm just me
and there's no other need for me
than here to see that you're the one who now can live
that you're the one that's making sense
for I, myself, have stopped making sense a long, long time ago
you know, it feels fabulous
just being free-floating in senseless a world
you're gone, you've thrown me away, twice,
once as a lover, once as a friend,
o still, do I love you
o still, I can't hate you
for you are just
the one that counts
the one that fits
the one I love
the one that kills me just over and over and over inside

are you a person still to talk to?
you've disappeared conveniently, abruptly so,
so what's this thing, this utter babbling
my dreams so haunted, dreams being visited,
a figment just of you this is?
or can you see me in my deepest, darkest moments? staring at the abyss I am
not from up there
but right from mid-way down
you get some distance
and some understanding

should have died back then, I know
shouldn't have died back then, I know
her or him - and all's now down

there's nothing else
there's no one else
there will be no one else

one and only
all for ever
find me one I can relate to
that my strength I'd find in her
and her strength she'd find in me
all or nothing
give me all
I need it so

you're the demon quite inside
you're the one who's always haunted
face them now
and stake your claim
yours they are
yours, and waiting
not much longer
now's the time
the time is now

so now then
let's get it on
the cold
seek out

January 18-27th, 2003

Phil John Kneis:
Pranah - breath (PRANAH) - BATTLEFIELDS IX:


Eichwalde / Berlin / Chania / Thêra, March 3rd - September 4th, 2003 - P#208

Rated R






the cold
seek out


there's no order here
just chaos
there's no order here
but just some things
quite flowing so freely
quite caring not
how things are perceived
how things are but ordered
how things are combined
for all is one
and all is part
and all is whole
and nothing's apart
and nothing's together
and all's so joined
in one thing, daimonion,
and one thing that speaks to us
one thing that talks to us
one thing we are
one thing we'll be
one thing we're part of
and form but
the whole

there's people here I see in the darkness surrounding me
their shapes look different through and through
look like beasts from other worlds
look like things drawn out of books
which ages old and would be closed
or like some creatures from the screen
they look at me
I ask them questions
who they are
and what they do
they tell, they're me
each single one
each single one inside my self
are representatives they all
of things inside that cry out loud
they fear for me
they're watching me
they talk to me
at just this hour
just this place
showing me
what's still to see
what's still to come
what's still to make
what need I take
what need I see
so all comes down
right unto me
what need I see
so speak you now
unsummoned ones
but make it quick
and start it now




(a tall figure, speaking loud and clearly)

let it flow now
let it flow
let the words come out of states that indescribable at daytime so
working just
at nighttime hours
nighttime creatures now appearing
you are now
quite one of them
see you not
you're thriving in darkness
sleeping throughout just most of the day
the room's so dark here,
can't you see?
this is it
this is it so quite and genuinely
this is it
as seen through the haze
through the haze of drunken states
through the mind-opening state
of what is obscured
and what is made open
this is the plan
this is the place
this is the time
it all---

see you and hear you?
no, well, of course but you don't,
how could you ever
how could you still
you still may believe it
you still may conceive it
but honey, you see,
there's nothing to hear
there's nothing to see

there's nothing to know
and all you could care for
are fragments just, loose ones,
and thoughts immature
and thoughts all obscure just
and thoughts that will bind you and nail you now down
will trap you inside in buildings so awful
so stinking of power and stinking of madness
and loneliest ravings of needing control
they say they adore you
they say how they love you
they say how they crave you
but see, they will kill you
will kill you inside
will take all you are
will turn you to all that you wanted not be
will thrash all your noblest ideas and trash them so silently
turn them around
turn them to dust
turn them and make you a meaningless nothing
a shape to be feared
a shape filled with blood not your own but of others

and see you the names
and see you the titles
and see you the functions
and see you the games:
they're meaningless all
they won't ever save you
they won't ever help you
they want just your energy
want just your lifeforce
want just your life
want just your soul

see you the faces
see you the facets
see you the structures and see you their bearers
slaves just they are
the structures they've made
will now always own them
unmake then their truth
unmake then their essence
unmake then their selves

(a drunk demon, cowering in a corner, shivering, crying silently)

there's no hope
there are no answers
all here feels
like living hell
like all's so dark
and all's so wrong
the weight of the world
just seems upon me

(a grey demon consisting of an empty stomach with empty hands)

something's missing
don't I know it
don't I see it
don't you dare
just tell there's just all I need
for you're just wrong
just all-out wrong
and all the truths
I may have known
you may have told me
may have given some outrightly
all these are gone
all are forgotten
or have expired
need something else
need something new
here to excite me
here to incite me
here to confuse me
and keep me in pleasure
pleasure all seeking
purely and wholefullestly
whole not my heart
whole not my soul
whole not the I
that I need to find
I need to make
I need to put into contexts so dearestly
contexts so feared
contexts so hated
contexts that power and order just bringing
imprison my self
imprison my wanting
create all my yearning
create all my needing
till need I no more
the things that I need
till see I no more
the things that I shoulder
till caught just I am
in bedlams of things
in prisons of things
and hells pretty-glowing
and all
all here so empty
all here so fake
just dust

(a red demon consisting of glowing eyes with hands opening and closing)

and still there's something that I want
something to have
something to yearn for
something worth having
maybe to own it
maybe just have it
something I need
something I feel
something I feel that I need
and all my desire
all my excitement
all my enticement
brings me to places I can't just describe
I can't recommend
I can but accept them
and know I am in them
and know they exist
yet all this existence
all with an essence
confronted and taken
and shared just a wish
and shared just a yearning
an abstract concreteness
a concrete abstraction
of what I don't know
of what I can't say
it just makes me crazy

I know there's an emptiness
I need to fill it
need to fulfill it
just on my own?
need I not help?
need not assistance I?
need not a something
need not a someone
to somehow improve me
to somehow fulfill me
to somehow complete me?
significant owns
significant others
significant all
significant nothing
and all is here wanted
and all is so needed
and all
so abused
so distraught
so dysfunctional
all in its workings
all in the minds
all in the souls
all souls
so forsaken
desired it all
more lost but than found
for seek we in vain
when seek we in vanity
seek we not clarity
seek we insanity
seek we inanely
all that is made
all that is talked into being and nothingness
desire we images self-made and empty
see we not
know we not
show we not
feel we not
are we not

(a fire demon)

see the strings
you're hanging on
see them all
just move you up
and move you down
see them all
create a being without form
without a sense
and without soul
a strangest creature looking real if watched from afar
and looking like a mask that moves and talks
that moves a puppet like, a shape
but don't it conform?
and don't it fit in?
so why ain't you happy
and why do you mourn?

see the strings
now aiding you
helping you
to lead a life
just filled with things the game needs to have
the game needs to have you
for you to have them
and them to have you
own you
get you
put into little boxes of non-understanding you
labeling you
and seeing you
a being conforming
to rules of insanity
making you sane
making you
a loyal being
someone to play
the game
who has a name
and can be read
and can be owned
so see the strings
and cut them down
each single one
each single thread
each that here binds you
each that here blinds you
each that unmakes you
each that remakes you
in images of vanity
in images of nothingness
in images of things consumed
and things are people
people things
have no soul
and have no mind
and are just puppets in a play
of have and have not
of own and disown
for how could we own
what cannot be grasped?
how can we own
what can't be controlled?
how can we own
if all this possessing
possesses our selves
possesses our minds
and makes us just slaves
and makes us the things
to own and be owned
for assets we are
and resources all
or subjects to conquer
or minds to control

so tell me now
tell me insanity
tell me normality
for chaos is nomos
and rules are the game
to not let us think
to not let us feel
to not let us close
to make us detach
and kill off our selves

so fuck it all
and fuck it hard
and fuck the minds that fuck with you
and love it all
and love it dearly
and love the minds that fuck with you
and turn around
what makes insane you
turn around
what labels sanity a sin
what labels kindness as a foolish burden
makes humanity a joke
and renders alien all those
who just don't fit
who don't belong
to all these claims of interests served
and measures needed
who just don't fit
are unprepared
to live the lie
and just be still
and stand in awe
and learn the creed
and be a good boy
and be a good girl
be a good follower
be a good servant
and be a good slave
be a good sheep
of systems so rotten inside just their hearts
inside just their minds

so why should we serve
why should I
believe the lie
believe the tales
follow power
follow pressure
fuck the power
fuck it all
call insane me or inane
call abnormal me or weird
call a failure me as I
resist assimilation
as I resist
to play the game
of terms and signifiers whole
of terms unholy in their essence
fuck the shepherds
fuck the priests
those falseness-inciters
those fake instigators
of fakest beliefs
and fakest constructions
fuck the things you should accept
accept my ass
and broke it down

(a golden demon with hazy eyes)

maybe I want it
maybe I want to have
to own
to lay my claim
extend my reach
and hold what's mine
and hold it tight
won't let it go
won't set it free
but grab it
grasp it without grasping
have the things
control my desire
have the people
be like things
I own
and fit into my life them so
each single one
into a box
designed for them
to give me pleasure
give me everything I need
I want
I crave
see it all
make sense selectedly
make matters clear
make just each one
a thing possessable
an item to own
a person, a thing, it's one and the same

for why should I suffer
when suffer they make me
why not turn it all
turn myself
reject my soul
reject my inner core and heat -
reject my fate
reject all knowledge
reject all that which makes no sense
in senseless a world
with people so soulless
with issues too gross
to still be accepted
to still be assumed
as things our own
so make me your own
and I'll make you mine
like puppets to be
each pulling their strings
seeing not
quite who we are
seeing just
what we could be
what we must be
in the eyes of others
seeing quite but
through our own:
so why should we then
keep up our selves
when those are a currency
always unknown
always rejected
always refused to be

who are you
means who am I
how could I
if know I myself
ever want
possess a soul
define another
by what's been induced
'nto me and us
now, that's not possible
'tis not who I am
not who I'll ever may want to be


hear me now truly
listen please carefully
for listen we must
it's not just an option
not just a choice
it's all there is
and all there could even just be
for otherwise
quite all that'd be
'd be meaningless chatter
and feelings untrue
and constant betrayal
of who we are
and who we must be

as all is one
and one is all
there is no other
there's just own
there is no part
there's just the whole
and everything else
is meaningless schisms
fictional workings
that violate life
and violate all in deepest its essence
sep'rate you can't
you'll cut off a limb
and kill off the soul
there's just one house
there's just one soul
how Emersonian I sound now!
one being just
pleasing itself
hurting itself
probing itself
or maybe not

however but
let just it be
that find we one soul
that matches our own
and truly to seek
quite not what's just easy
quite not what's just nice
so turn
the screw
make it count
and face your fears and inner yearnings
and see the end
in all beginnings
and first to return now
first to revisit the hole that will stay

so long now denied
this feeling has been
so long now denied
so long now buried
deep inside
once released
how could imprison I
my soul again?
have heard its yearning
heard its cry
seen it has
the one thing only
worth possessing
possession clear
possession strangest:
one that doesn't lay a claim
one that doesn't care 'bout what to have
but how to live
and what to do
one that's just
a have without having
own without owning
something shared in union truest
truest freedom of the soul
wealth without captivity
lose yourself
and you will gain
serve another
live you will
it's not what you have
it's not what you want
it's just what you share,
'bout what you can give

(a long-haired widow with a grey, worn dress, the face hidden behind the hair)

know you not
what soon may strike
soon will strike
it's always soon
it's always now
always unwanted
always unthought of
always a pain
always a moment
defying all moments
always a time
defying time
always a death
worse than all deaths
a time to cease
all other things
'cause they don't matter any longer
all's so gone
and won't return

what might return
is shadows but
ghosts of ages past and future
ghosts that haunt you in your sleep
ghosts that follow you by daylight
kill your heart each time anew
make you see
that you're a slave just
you're a being caught and broken
you've been broken
can't recover
still, you want it
still you crave
yet there's a thing that makes you shudder
makes you cry
each time anew
there's a loss beyond all loss
there's an end beyond all endings
ain't there hope?
oh, yes there is
but that's just worse
for hope's the one thing worse than all
the biggest faker
biggest seducer
biggest liar
hope's the slayer
faith its companion
don't you dare
their whispers
don't you dare
believe their lies

there's one big lie
about Pandora
the things she released
were nothing compared to
what stayed in the jar
so hope you not
there's nothing to see
there's nothing to want
there's nothing to learn
but loss and despair -
for die you will
a thousand deaths
as lose you will
just all that's precious
all that counts
till in the end
it breaks yourself
a whimper just the end to be
so go on, folks,
there's nothing to see
and no one to be

(two souls fighting)

what's now lost
won't come now back
just won't return
angry but
I now should be?
just how but coulda
how but woulda
how but shoulda
how but now
with all I know
with all I feel
with all I've seen?
it's not a thing we're talking 'bout
it's not an abstract, powered structure,
not a thing without a heart
how, when you see
how, when you feel
how, when you know
can't not understand you?
if see you the heart
if see you the soul
if see you the pain
if see you the sorrow
if see you the doubt
there's no room for anger
there never can be
it wouldn't be me

(a raindrop)

so all here remains
pounding reflections
pounding the questions
pounding the tears unto paper and keys
it's not getting lighter
it's not getting brighter
it's just getting darker
it's just getting starker
the more
I know
the more
I see
the more
I feel

(a person hiding in a room with a yellow wallpaper)

all I want is make it stop
and make it end
and make it now
for see, there's just no rest to find
no peace of mind that could here soothe me
and all the things just here remind me
that nothing here
contains a reason
and nothing here
allows for hope
for false the signifiers all
and false their each and every signs
and truth's an issue not to deal with
'cause lies will help you so much more
yet this I can't
I can't just do it
can't subject my self again
can't again just be a slave
can't again just here deny
deny the truth
deny my self

borrowed time is all there is
borrow time we just from death
borrowing myself I am
I am right now
quite in the mood
to end the borrowing at once
and just give back
what I can't use
as I just can't subject myself
to games that seem so vain and null
I could, I know, yet I don't wanna
there's no sense in going on
there's no sense in looking further
all that's happened shows a truth I cannot bear
I cannot shoulder
all I see now
empty hearts
empty minds
empty souls
emptied out myself I am
and what I borrowed
lying barren
and stiff


funny ain't it
how at once
in all your asking
all you questions
freed you would seem from all that held you
lies and things that now seem gone
freed yourself
right into new a prison now
with walls much thicker than before
and self-built all
they know your moves
and know your thoughts
and know what you feel
it's walls you can push
you don't even see them
believe you are free
make you not see
that you're a slave just
you're a being caught and broken
can lie to yourself
without even knowing
how perfect is this!
how sweetest a game!
how perfect a world
according t' your thoughts
confirming your views
'cause built you this world
and made you the matrix
that governs your seeing
governs your being
at one single moment
this well may break down
and stand you will
at oldest a juncture
reliving all
unknowingly, probably,
for ain't it so simple
to not know at all?


all's just pieces here remaining
all's just fragments left to rot
all's just little parts of larger units
all discarded so for now
there's no industry of smallness
there's no industry of partiality
there's no hope for parts to function on their own
and on their merits?
parts to form collectives so
parts assimilated easily
parts to greater structures made
into greater structures bound
slaved into what's all believed
to function more and function better
maybe now, for once, it's true
if we not systematize
maybe yet, such parts deserve
to once be treated
as an own
as an own accomplishment
and a player in the game




(a man with a sheep's head)

hush now, sweet baby,
hush, go to sleep
surrender to dreams now
to dreams we now feed you
to dreams we now give you
to dreams we now live you
there's nothing wrong with your screen
we are now
controlling the appearance
controlling the vertical
controlling the horizontal
to push you now
to small a scope just
make you see not
outer limits
outer reaches
outer things that need concern you not, my dear
hush now, sweet baby,
you're one of us now
you've been saved
you're better this way
you're better now
better than those fools
that just won't believe
that just won't confirm
that just won't shut up
hush now, sweet baby
let show us your part

see the world not as it is
see it just as it's supposed to
it's supposed to be and feel
truth's a thing
we make inside
we make to suit us, make to serve us
make all just quite how you like it
make it all
and make it so


there's a purpose here, you see?
there's a way to go
a road
an option
in utter wisdom so conceived
be believed it now and heard
see the end
see the purpose
feel the urge to just make sense
just submit yourself, your soul
just give in
you know you want to
know you need to
seest not
the time is now
the place is here

see the nature of a thing
see its nature
not its end
ain't its end
its truest purpose
ain't that what just makes it go
see the end
reveal the beginning
see the purpose
dictate the life
see the fate
the destiny
determine being
seest not
why don't you see
you should, you know,
and soon you will

a singer sings
a writer writes
a dancer dances
the poet acts
make the thing
till make you it will

(a well-trained shepherd dog)

there's no order here, you see
holy orders
things you just won't question, dear
just a fool tries on the windmills
just a fool
a fucking fool
and don't you dare
confront the idols of the weak
confront the things
they need to feel strong
they need for their hate
they need for authority
they just need to keep the order
have a right to, don't you see?
they keep the world running
keep the wine coming
keep the blood flowing
they're the good ones
cherished stars
cherished canon
cherished priests of worldly might
and things, though worldly, painted like spirit
they'll discipline
they'll punish you
they will observe
and will decide
you better watch out
and be a good patriot
act like they wish
and learn their language
and dead you'll become

(a spider-demon in its cobweb)

see me spinning
see me turning
all around, around, around so
see the threads
I'm weaving now
see them now
don't see them later
later all's internalized
see the webs
the cobby little needy threads
that all's suspended from
all's depending from
all's so kindly seeking by themselves
it's an order
it's a cause
it's a thing you need now tend to
caught I have you
in my realm
in my palace of subservience
see the structure be the dominant
see the things
appear as counter-points
fly they all
into my net
into my stickiness
and vanish they all
and vanquished they all
in vain their efforts
vain their essence
vain their existence
vain their thoughts
and vain their being:
see them dance
like little nymphs
and little leaves turned on by the wind

so see me now
deny all knowledge
forcing you
into a world my own
my name is Narcissus
I serve myself
I see myself
I sing myself
and make your self
sing me in stead of you
believe the lie
that all is empty
all is vain
and knowledge gathered
won't mean a thing
any more
see the structures
post the structures
see the nets
behind the nets
see you not
you can't escape me
there's no hope
just matrices of all so pre-fetched
like a galaxy of lights
seen as ones not
seen but as zeroes forming a whole
and parts are the whole
the whole makes the parts
the parts are lost
and parts are lost
can't speak themselves
can't make themselves
and can't see their essence
see their existence
see their nature
see their truth

there's no truth
not in nor but out there
believe this lie
and don't fight back
sing it back
and seek no pleasure
seek no life
for life's a text
that knows no author
knows no freedom
knows no fate
but what's within it
sacred order
don't you question
don't you dare
be correct in what you are saying
what you are thinking
think the thoughts
that made already
walk no path your own, I dare you
I'm the order
I'm the thing
I'm the essence

I am resistance
resisting life
for the sake of life
resisting death
for the sake of death
resisting the image
for the sake of the image
so deconstruct
you'll just assist mine obfuscation
see the discourse
spinning around me
see them believe
t' be living their lives
they're living me
they're making me
they're living the lie
denying all truth
denying all essence
denying all nature
denying all being
for see me they don't
any more
serve the servants
resistance is futile
join the collective
join the communion
make it all
a happy, big family
a happy, big unity
don't see you,
I love you
I give you the answers
give you
the key
to lock up behind me
so let it go
and live in peace

(a cat)

see the madness all around so
people talking funnily
all's just words they say,
and meanings,
all's just knowledges
and signs
signifiers all so floatingly
happily around
in a world that is just text
that's just discourse, we're just bait -
and everywhere there's dominance
and everywhere's subservience
concernocrats the Tiger calls them
nature speaking for her self, it seems,
for they've so lost it here, o dear,
they've come astray
in dark a tunnel
and where there's words just, there's no truth
and where's no truth, remains no hope
denied all knowledge but they have
and all is kept
are broken minds
and thoughts that constitute mere masturbation
than an honest quest
for truth

ti estin alêtheia - what's the truth?[1]

they scream
on "left" and "right"
there's just stupidity all over here
and no conspiracy
will hold
and stand

(whispering now)
knowledge we seek
knowledge we speak
knowledge we hear
knowledge we fear
it's in the will
it's in the kill
it's in the plentifold
fakes it all
and not to better
take your ache
and see it faking
take your bous
and run strophê it
take the ox
to plough the fields
the fields of sorrow
fields of joy all
fields of pain
the pain and
the words and
it all and
it all and
it all
with all
turns it all and not to better
fake it all
and fake shall be it
fake shall see it
fake all ends
all ends are fake
are realest maker
of the times
are realest
(ad libidum)
frell, I'm lost, please help
my name is
John Crichton
shot through a wormhole
some distant part
stay alive
this ship, this living ship
escaped prisoners (friends)
you can hear me
I make it back
they follow
I open the door
are you ready
Earth is unprepared (helpless)
for the nightmares I've seen
should I stay, protect my home?
not show them you exist?
but then
you'll never know
the wonders I've seen!
these are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise
it's ongoing mission
missing links is all we are
lost in time
lost in ---
frell, I'm lost
please help,
please hear me fear me steer me
up we go
and down we'll fall and
goes the weasel


ta tata tatata tatatata tatatatata tatatatatata tatatatatatata tatatatatatatata tatatatatatatatata tatatatatatatatatata

qu'est-ce qu'ils sont
les mots et les choses
qu'est-ce que leur vie
leur voix
leur esprit
est-ce que la nature
ce nom contesté
signifiant -
que ?
signifiant -
comme ?
signifiant -
où ?
pas signifiant
les choses et les mots
la poule et les oeufs
mais si, avons-nous
les choses avant nous
le ridicule de Derrida
le fou de Foucault
Deleuze de luxe
me donne, s'il te plaît
seulement le qu' tu penses
ne dis me rien
le que t'as lu
ne dis me rien
le qu'ont dit les autres
ne te protège pas
devant faux intérêts
rien ne va plus
si ne peux tu croire
à une réalité
à une essence
à une existence
le tout et le part
unité en différence
différence en unité
et tout
une folie aux uns
sur folies aux tous
qu'est-ce qu'ils sont
les mots et les choses
les mots sont ouvertes
les choses
je ne sais rien[2]

in principio erat verbum
et verbum erat apud deum
et verbum erat deus
et deus erat verbum
verbum dixit
creamus mundum
et mundus creatur
et mundus erat apud deum
et mundus erat deus
et deus erat mundus
deusque dixit
creamus vitam
de vita nostra
et vita creatur
et vita erat apud mundum
vitam esse

ti estin alêtheia - what's the truth?[1]

or knowledges
or truths
or essences
or existences
or nemeses
or goods
or bads
or wrongs
or rights
is there anything to see?
is there anything to be?
how can I
estimate things
at all
once all's so blurred
once all's so complicated

nothing's blurred
it's getting blurred
nothing's complicated
it's being complicated
interests hiding between higher words
morality's a word
written with four letters
like ethos is
and mores maiores
are just obfuscation for interests hidden
for thoughts immature
sanctified by bad a conscience
politics of identity
politics of insanity
identity politics
insanity politics
tell me who you are
I tell you who you're supposed to be
who you are
supposed to stand for
to represent
to indicate
to advocate
or to indict:

white can't see black
black can't see white
male can't see female
female can't see male
what have we come to
who are those
posing as knights in white armor
who are those fighting for
who are those yelling for
they're making the lines
they're taking the sides
they're blurring the essence
the only essence
the human soul
the human condition
for human we are
and nothing else matters

and knowledge denied
will haunt you, will keep you
in bondages new
in bondages old
and still we resist
in seeking not knowledge
in seeking but safety
and fake affirmation
a sweet masturbation
that hides what is there
b'hind blah-blahs of posture
and self-declared ethics
there are no ethics
there is no morality
but that which is true
and that which is human

the truth in structures won't be found
the truth in single cells not lying
it's both in these
and too in those
it's one, the other, and the same
and see you can't
the forest for the trees
the trees for the forest

conservative conschmersative
liberal schmiberal
leftist schmeftist
rightist schmightist
those are just terms
coined for the stupid
the idiot confirmers
of ways not their own
the babbling repeaters
of falsely-wrought wisdoms
that seek not the truth but eas'ly-held answers
that care not for knowledge
that care not for doubt
that care just for saying,
we're right, they are wrong

when see you millions of people marching for a cause
see you also
who's standing behind them?
see you also
who's shaping their knowledge
see you also
who's keeping them marching?

deusque dixit
creamus vitam
de vita nostra
vitaque dixit[4]

he says she says he says she says
fa la la la tra la la la
ta ta taa raam

(the three monkeys)

I do not see
I do not hear
I do not speak

shoulda woulda coulda?

maybe so
maybe not
seest not
the path is dangerous to walk upon
what are the benefits of doubt?
shall risk I all
for just a shady grain of truth?

and what's the nature of such things?
seest not
I take no action
take no choice
all's just equally so distant
all's just equally disjoint
all's awry
all's in flight
should I not
retain my self?
should I not
protect my self?
should I not
return into the deepest refuge right within
I sing my self
I celebrate my self
I masturbate my self
I see my self
and nothing else
shall hold their will

all's just voices in the darkness
all's just things constructed, empty
all's just void in utter vanity
sole my essence
sole my existence
is the mark
the marker of life
ipso facto
see I not
hear I not
speak I not

see it dripping
see it pouring
see it flow
and bow to life
bow to what's been lost and gained
bow to what's
another chapter
other story
not your own
it's just an other

why should I
respect a cause
when causes empty all and all corrupted
why should I
avoid my regression
avoid my self
avoid my I

there's no feeling left
just things to have and things to own
and it's the truest thing on Earth
for how could there be
an essence, a something
when all's so much simpler without such concreteness?


parts just flowing freely here
parts associate themselves
make their own small interplay
see them floating
see them disregard
the whole
shan't we see
shan't we plea
shan't we see to things to combine
to form a greater unity and shape
and shape them anew
and make them anew
why should we
accept what is
why should we
respect the chaos
why should we
respect what's not within the futures to come
why should we
trust in the order of things
and how

no patience is in me
and there's no way
to see me wait
I want it now
and want it all

shall see you now
the things that need seeing
shall be you now
the things that need being
shall have you now
the things that need having

wer reitet so spät
habe nun, ach,
durch Nacht und Wind
im Innersten zusammenhält
und in seinen Händen
verpestet alles schon Errungene
das Kind
alles Vergängliche
war tot[5]


lift the veil
the veil of fire
fire's beast
and fire's bitch
lift the veil
see it finally
need to hide not any more
any longer
any further
see the ruling
take a form
see the form
beget a ruling
rule the Earth
and rule the skies
rulers all
rulers fall

turns the wheel
the wheel of fire
wheels of fire-birds all feathered
feathered god and plumes within so
make the sun
go round again
make it all
see the fire, make it go
snake of fire
begetting fire
begetting life
begetting death
hearts of stone
melting to stone
not the magma hurling down, deep down it all

let me press control-s right now
I fear I'm losing it
even if on paper
need to save
to save from what?
save your self
and not your things
see the sun setting
it's getting dark

O Fortuna,
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut descrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
dissolvit ut glaciem.

Fortune rota volvitur:
descendo minoratus;
alter in altum tollitur;
nimis exaltatus
rex sedet in vertice
caveat ruinam!
nam sub axe legimus
Hecubam reginam[6]

(a mass of people wearing the same faceless face)

so give us someone
give us somebody
someone to look up to
someone to turn to
we need just
to find a fate
we need just
to find a direction
we need just
to find a Shepard
can't you see? we can't do this on our own
we can't do it
we can't do it
there's no way we could transcend
we could just act
we could just learn
there's no way
and there's no cause
give a cause us, give a reason,
may we now
project our wishes
unto those who care to rule us
give them power whence we deem
take it away whence stand it we can't any longer

says the chicken, let's lay an egg
says the egg, let's grow a chicken

(a mirror)

is there not
a one to go
a one to see
a one we could just here declare
a hero
a goddess we would need to honor
what hold we dear
see you not
I see
I wonder
crave you not
you see
it's easy
you know that you want it now
you're a being caught and broken
need a token
to reclaim
your self
your soul
see the self
be multiplied
see it yearning
like a ship moves on the waves
you know that you want it and how
let yourself
be swept all over
let your self
be carried away
and the answers
lie before you:
see the meaning
meaning's given
seek no worth
for all's subjective
seek no facts
for all's constructed anyway
into my solipsism enter
into my sacred inner realism
sing my self
and sing you will
lose yourself
lose your self
but not to nothingness eternal
just to vanity within -
seek the pleasure purest matter
seek the blissful pain-reducing
lose your self
and lose your soul

(a book)

there's an A
there is a B
B's not A
A is not B
may it be now
shall it be?
could it be?
what to be?
all we see?
all we see
we see therefore we be
we be therefore we see
we bee therefore we be
see we not
hear we not
alas, observe!
why should observe we
can't we not
just think it through?
and in those thoughts
and theory
and theory-making
should we not
see what's right?
should we not
think what can be thought?
think what can be wrought?
see you, we can understand!
see you, we can now, at last, control!
see the things
not through a glass darkly
not just through images on the wall of the cave ---
see the things
and travel there ---
see the places
in our minds
see the islands form in the oceans of narrative all
see the places, hear the names
the cold
the thirty
the confrontations all t' be seen ---
so, Father, tell me,
what have you seen?
tell me all,
I need to know it
tell me all,
and tell it quickly,
Plato's disciple I am;
so what about those fools
who value theory so much
deride experience for sake of babbling?
see you them
see you the future?
see you the present?
see you the past?

past all knowledges to go
past all knowledges to show
past all knowledges

et face

but they won't hear
they never hear
they never listen
see, that's why I still can talk in their heads
that's why I still can poison their minds!
that's why I still
am here to stay

(a man)

let me tell a story now
quite small a story, fragments just
'cause let's just now
seek different things
and different ways
and different paths to sink our minds into
for there was a man
(there always is)
who went to the grass, a leaf of grass,
asking it, how strong but you are?
and whence do you come from?
and where do you go to?
he heard not a thing
and so thus assumed,
just quite on his own,
that there had to be quite strong a defiance right here
for, so you know,
you don't just defy
you don't just resist
you don't just not respond to this!
he said to the leaf,
I'm asking you kindly,
I'm asking you mildly,
I beg you so full of politest, kind interest now:
so say what I ask you
so say you your answer
yet hear he did nothing
so now, in his furor, he took on the grass
and ripped it right off
and proudly declared he an enemy down
for answer it didn't to all his demands
had but he but listened
had but he but heard
it answered but clearly
and answered but rightfully,
I'm here so you and your kind can stand
and go on declaring
and go on in staring
and go on in faring the things that you do;
yet did he but listen?
and did he but see?
what was there to see.
what was there to hear.
it just had been
a leaf of grass

and go on he did
and went to the river
and went to the water
so sep'rate before me!
so make that you leave
and go out the way -
I'm coming, I'm wanting, I'm seeking a path -
so why would you now
reject me my givens
my God-given fortune
and God-given legacy -
for you're just unensouled a being
unbeknownst to life's own secrets
you're just component, element, and vain -
so why you not
go out my way
I can't quite get
and I shall get
to set you limits
set you paths that not your own quite are
but just mine own self interests are served -
for see you not -
for hear you not -
for know you not -
I am the ruler of the things
I am the thing
that knows no greater
knows no bigger
knows no worthier than me -
I even gods created have
in mine own image
mine own form
with mine own attributes and feelings
mine own hopes and fears and things to want
for see, my friend,
it's not quite true
that killed we have God -
for quite, au contraire,
it's us who created him
it's us who made him
in thine image? you make me laugh
we have the gods
appear like ourselves
we have the gods
be castrated nothings
and have the elements bow to our cries
and bow to our mumblings and rantings and ravings -
for how but not could we!
we are the chosen ones
we are the choosers
we are the chosen by own a volition -
we are the mighty ones
we are those
who right here decide
who lives
and who dies
and you're in the way
--- had heard he the water,
he would hear the warning
he would hear the asking
he would hear the questions
he would hear the answers
but how d 'you give answers
to those who deny them?

he went to the hills
he went to the mountains
he went to the deserts
he went into space
he asked all around
but what do you get
when know you an answer
when know you replies
when know you the formulae
know you the recipes
know you the tricks
but know you no essence
and know not existence?

'cause that's not to say
he wouldn't succeed
but maybe the things
to try to succeed in
are wasted by trying
to want wrongest things
are wasted by trying
to take on the world
and it wants not take you but guide you and aid you
when see you just parts
when there's but a whole
for parts are just pieces left over from surgery
they need to regrow
they need to rejoin
they need to re-form
and need to relive

we come in circles
we come in cycles
we come and relive
we come and seek it all to end
while ends don't matter
and ends we shan't suffer -
the path all but failing -
the path all but waning -
and more of the same
just isn't enough...


seek the fire we
to heal
to strike
to weed out
seek the floods we
seeking out
to cover the losses
and cover the gains
and level the fields
the killing fields
and fields of destruction
and fields of lost hopes
the battlefields
the fields of despair
and fire and water
are war now to bring
and seeking sep'ration
'tween things t' see together
'tween things t' see in union
and greatest all unison
greatest all leveler
greatest all wish-maker
drink me, make me feel real
th' game we're playing is love
causes are nil
ethics excuses
sin is denying
refuse to just trying
and trying to try
and trying on trials
deny not what's life
deny not what's truth
what's the truth?
it's life itself!
see you not?
hear you not?
it's one and the same
and one and the only
waste you not
what's given so plentif'lly
and given so scarcely
and given at all!
it's not 'bout the taking
it's not 'bout the wanting
it's just about being
it's just about giving
it's just about living
so see now the whole
and see now the part
they're one and the same
and one and the only
so know
and see:
and wake





I'm the slayer of the living
sacred watcher of the dead
sacred carrier of transience -
I'm the one who lives and dies
lives and dies within each other
within each single one of you
I'm the river you have crossed
you have crossed so many times
I'm the one
who drives the ferry
I'm the harbinger of light
I'm the one
you want to see
but want not be
how could you be!
how could you want
how could you ever want to be!
for there's no truth to find, no revelation
all you're doing her is lie
you're not the one to find the life
you're just another seeking death
for death's the answer, death's the cure
death's the bringer you've been looking for so eagerly ---
see you not?
you want not see ---
you want to be?
oh, fucking fool,
how could you ever b'lieve to be!
how could you ever b'lieve to see!
for see you not
and hear you not
and know you not
in drunken a state
you rush through what you'd be calling a life -
you're rushing death
that's all you are doing
you know it of course,
but still, how you want it,
and yes, how you crave it -
let everything
be over now
and death
is just another page
it can't be worse
for life is hell
and hope
is lost

(a Medusa)

have seen you?
have heard you?
have been you?
have hurt you?
and heard you the voices?
and hurt they your nerves?
and struck they you down?
and down to the ground?
and see you the things they want not to see you?
and hear you the tales they want but believe you?
like magic a wand
they're playing you
they're scheming you
right quite in your mind
yet matters it?
and care you should?
so feel the minds
connect at once
and see the lights
embraced by darkness
see the darkness
touched by light
touched by everything that's holy
touched by everything insane
you're a fountain of love
in the shape of a mortal
carry immortality within
carry both eternal light
internal darkness
all within so
all the better
all the worse
para noos
more than your mind
more than your soul

hold now your breath
hold now your senses
halt your defenses
halt all your being
all's in your seeing
all's in your fleeing
all's in your ownest and truest escaping
all's in your making
all's in your faking
all's in your other'st and falsest attempting
all's in your knowing
all's in your showing
all's in your neithers and nors and whatevers:
hear the things all spoken clearly
see the things that lurk in behind
can you trust what's there to see?
can you trust what's written down?
can you just rely on filters all in all distorted so?
there's no truth, they say, but why?
there's no facts, they say, but why?
there's no primal need to know?

no more games
no more here accepting bondages all new
no more let your mind be controlled -
see the things now, see them more clearly,
for sometimes, you know,
insanity helps to see through the maze
and see through the haze
and see through all such obfuscation;
see you now
and see you truly
see the voices
turn to clay
turn to mortals
turn to life
life's a fact
and so are you


see you now
and see you truly
see through doubt
accept no godheads dictating grandeur
accept no structures dictating life
accept no sheeps dictating structures:
seeing it all, know you not thinking?
seeing it all, know you not being?
see all their answers
see all their buildings
see all their half-truths so built out of falsities:
see how they crumble
see how they struggle
see how they stay but in fearful their minds:
for fear it is that dictates their ways
and fear it is restricting their paths,
for how to teach courage
to those raised in prisons?

for doubt you can't if fear is your teacher
and question you can't if bound you to forces too mighty to challenge:
and fire that burns
is always bought
at a price

how precious now is it, your life that you're holding?
how precious now is it, your "knowledge" so sheltered?
have seen you the truth?
the truth of the beast?
have heard you its call?
its voice, unimproved?
a Sirens' call
and callous a reasoning
reason is lost
and all you here see
shiny, happy people
a happiness of quite some demonic dimensions:
they frighten you, suddenly, been one of them, earlier,
and all their concordance
and all their safe dogma
shall find you at unease, at shivering questioning:
for how could it be
that those are so sure
yes, how can it fucking be
that they make just easy
what is all so fuzzy
and is all so complicated

how could they
deny all knowledge
deny all facts
deny all objectivity out there
for though we're subjective
and though we be subjects;
there still are some things
that simply exist
there still is a nature
within who we are
so, how to ignore
what see I so obviously?
yes, how to ignore!
well, how to ignore...

and questions arising
need answers they all?
what worth has a question
that answered is easily?
what worth is a question
that could be denied?
"investigate not"?
investigate all!
and see b'hind the shadows
obscuring the thoughts
and see you the weapons
defending the fortress of all ideological
and see you the words
forbidding all thinking
prescribing directions
prescribing the truth
and what's s'pposed to be:
deny no knowledge
deny no facts
deny not thinking
deny not feeling
I am doubt
standing on both sides
and neither, between,
I am duality
never dichotomy
I am transcendence
never what's fixed
I am detached
from bondage of wish-belief
I am attached
to truth, who is god,
for truth lies in doubt
and truth lies in questioning
faith lies in living
in opening up
and not closing down
and truth is daimonion
truth is the gift
fear you not
die you not
wake you now
from the dream of solipsism
make you now
life from death
being from nothingness
know you now
truth as the maker
hear you now
the word that is substance
see you now
the one is in all
the all
are one

(a philosopher on a stone)

it's not a game here
nor a show
not a plot and not a ploy
all you see
it's all quite there
all you feel
it's striking you down
all you can know
is killing you openly
and hurting you silently
one piece at a time
like a demon quite growing in you
like a different entity inside
it's not quite you
you're shaking just in ill-fated coping
you're shaking just, responding too late:
you're lost already
lost your base
and lost your purpose:
lost all everything that counted
lost all everyone, that single one, to stay:
stays but now
the tremor inside
the shattering frenzy
and deafening cries
of words never uttered
of words said too early
of words said too late
and dialogs of fictional a nature thus
keep haunting, hunting, hurting you constantly:
know you not (scisne)
hear not (audisne)
see not (vidisne)
what's gone's gone for ever
what's lost won't return
it has to be different
it has to be new
for new life to be
the old now shall cease
there cannot exist
constant a state
constant a matter
matters must fall
matters must change
must once come of age
need to transcend
need to evolve
all is in flow
nothing's the same anymore

for so it begins
and thoughts never come
from meaningless chatter
and ignorant laughter
they're born out of pain
they're born out of passion
they're born out of need
and born out of sadness
and born out of joy
and born out of states
that are not irrelevant
that are not incognizant
that are not oblivious
to what's in the blood
to what's in the heart
to what's in the soul

the soul is the thinker
the mind is its slave
and thoughts not of passion
are dead-born and empty
and cannot exist
and cannot bear fruit
and will just exert
a spell bringing doom
and heart-less invading of what we must be
and all is at stake
and thoughts that not troubled
and thoughts, self-assured,
will hold not their worth
will cease to make sense
for what's not from pain
what's not from experience
shall stay vain and null
and known will it be
and cannot prevail

still, what is it worth
thinking back
and what is it worth
hoping and dreaming
when dreams that are built
on what can't be helped
and dreams that need others
to some day come true?
we live for ourselves
and live for the other
but both in true union
still have to be seen

(a beating heart)

so even if you choose to go on running
even if you never come back again
it's not in my being
it's not in my choice
to counter-reject you
and don't you but tell me
that love don't exist
and don't you but tell me
that love ain't eternal
and don't you but tell me
that love can't be real
for real it is
so tell me now, please,
you know how I feel,
have ever rejected you I?
you know what you did,
have ever rejected you I?
you know what you said,
have ever rejected you I?
you know what I feel
have ever I tried enforce my wants?

don't tell me t' be strong
for strength is a word
of use just for those
who hide their own weakness
b'hind gestures of cruelty
of utter estrangement
humanity gone

I've let you go a long time ago
hoping, of course, for you to come back
but not in the form of any condition
just because I want you to be
more than I want
to want

now, I want nothing any longer
all's so clear in utter confusion
all inverted what apart now
all perverted what once smart so
see our life
it's all we have
a shortest voyage
shortest time
to grow and learn
to feel and be felt
to learn to let go
of all we have
to learn to embrace
just all there is
it's all or nothing
and still, there's choice
a choice to repeat it
or do it right
this final time
so see you not
so hear you not
so feel you not
just what it shall be?

(a talking daisy)

de profundis
clamo a te
de infernis
de inanitate
et de morte

Oh Freunde, nicht diese Töne;
Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen
Und freudenvollere![10]

and make
what you can
what new is then
to climb to the stars
defy all nears and fars
in all your days and the nights
to gather new places and sights
climb up it will now, up to the wake
appear all then will and all is at stake.

life is just life
for the sake of life
being is all
and truth is in life
truth is in all that cherish's not death
that cherish's just life
and sees all its forms
and sees all its faces
from the beginning (up till the end)
in what is explained (and all that is not)
in chaos and order
in whole and in part
in words and in deeds
and all yet to come
becoming is all
and growing is all
and pain is a phase
and death is a phase
is a gift
pointing t'wards life
but life is the key
it always was
and always will be
and truth is its keeper

it's not a choice
it's not an option
there's just no other way to go
all other paths just end in nothing
just end in endless, pointless struggle -
all dead inside
facing not
the nothing that is
but the nothing that's not
and thus nothing they are

there is no life
in ideology
there is no life
in what negates change
there is no life
in timid insistence
and there is no life
in naying of choice
and naying of facts:
all things that are true
by all can be seen
and things that are true
will not go unnoticed
and things kept in cages
will some day
be free


the demons
face them
know them
seek them out
the cold
to turn

and call now all demons
call them and ask them
what have they wrought
what have they brought
what have they seen
what have they heard
what do they know?
what do they show?
but still now beware
for demons they are
and demons they stay
bigger than humans
and god-like in size
and crush they you
your world
rebuild then your knowledge
ask your experience
and see now
yes, see you
not nothing nor all
not this neither that
but both, without hierarchy
both, no dichotomy
both, true duality
turns you to life

so, call you the demons
and let them rewind

see you the structures and see you their bearers
there are no answers
that I need to find
something I feel that I need
to play the game
maybe I want it
and face your fears and inner yearnings
for hope's the one thing worse than all
it's not an abstract, powered structure,
it's just getting darker
borrow time we just from death
you're a being caught and broken

see the world not as it is
there's a purpose here, you see?
cherished priests of worldly might
walk no path your own, I dare you
the truth in structures won't be found
what are the benefits of doubt?
parts associate themselves
turns the wheel
to find a Shepard
and lose your soul
see you the present?
and you're in the way

I'm the one who lives and dies
touched by everything insane
deny not thinking
you're lost already
all's so clear in utter confusion
and truth is in life

now, what do we have?
what's there to be kept?
what's there to be cherished
be feared
and be followed?
have seen you the things
have seen you the truth of it all
the truest daimonion
well sees its power
well sees its shape
well sees the strings
and well knows its base

see the power
see the might
see the glory of it all
all regally
and legally
all sanctified
and deified
and bonified
yet lo, behold,
what's that I see?
the emperor
in all his might
no clothes he has
and false his pride
not built on truth
nor honesty
nor simple, plain humanity

for truth conquers all
and love is its light
love is its fire
burning within
burning the falseness
the lies and distractions
and all vain protections

there can't be no walls
there can't be no gates, locked tightly and sound
there can't be no blocking
and thoughts can't be stopped
and feelings far less

what lives, lives for ever
what's dead won't be seen
shan't have no reign
shan't have no power
for feeling is life
and apathy, death
so feel you
and touch you
and know you
no fear:

life begets life
life can't be dead
life is not things
life is not deeds
life is not honor
life is not pride
life is not morals
life is not glory
life is not knowledge
life is not power
life is not might
life's not a lesson
life's not a fight
life's not a demon (that last one was fake)
life is just life
and loving it

September 4th, 2003

Endnotes for this Category

19.2.9. DEMONS:

[1] Seventeenth Demon: ti estin alêtheia? - what's the truth? (Pilate)
[2] Seventeenth Demon: so now / what are they / the words and the things / what is their life / their voice / their spirit / is it but nature / that contested name / signifying - / what? / signifying - / how? / signifying - / where? / signifying / not signifying / the things and the words / the chicken and the eggs / but yes, have we not / the things before us / the ridicule of Derrida / the madness of Foucault / Deleuze deluxe / give me, if you want / just what you think / don't tell me any longer / that what you've read / don't tell me any longer / what have said the others / don't protect yourself / behind false interests / nothing goes any more / if you cannot believe / in a reality / in an essence / in an existence / the whole and the part / unity in difference / difference in unity / signifying / nothing / and all / preferring / a madness of ones / over madnesses of all / so now then / what are they / the words and the things / the words are open / the things / I don't know any more
[3] Seventeenth Demon: in the beginning was the word / and the word was with god / and the word was god / and god was the word / and the word said / let's make the world / and the world was made / and the world was with god / and the world was god / and god was the world / and god said / let's make life / from our life / and life was made / and life was with the world / god / the word / life to be / we believe
[4] Seventeenth Demon: and god said / let's make life / from our life / and life said
[5] Nineteenth Demon: the last stanza quoting Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, alternating between the "Erlkönig" and Faust:
who's riding so late / alas, I have now / through night and storm / keeping it together innermost / and inside his hands / polluting all that's been achieved / the child / all that is transitory / was dead
[6] Twentieth Demon: The following stanzas quote Carmina Burana as arranged by Carl Orff:
O Fortune / like the moon / in a changeable state / ever increasing / and decreasing / detestable life / now it oppresses / and then it soothes / as fancy takes it / poverty / and power / it melts them like ice [O Fortuna, 1st stanza]
the wheel of Fortune turns / I go down, demeaned / another is raised up / far too high up / sits the king at the summit - / let him fear ruin! / for under the axis we read / Queen Hecuba [Fortune plango vulnera, 3rd stanza]
[7] know / hear / see / wake / and make
[8] Thirtieth Demon: from the depths / I'm calling to you [Psalm 130]/ from the eternal fire / rise / from vain-ness / and from death / eternal / internal
[9] Thirtieth Demon: [Transcription: ho bios pollakis pherei ponon / oudenos phulchththêsomenou / kai tôi en ponôi / talêtheian pasan skopôn nun / talêtheian entothen tôi desmôtêriôi tou biou]
life brings much pain / nobody's protected / and in the pain / all the truth now seeing / all the truth inside the prison of life [I believe the first line to be somewhere from Homer's Odyssee, alas the pun in the second line; but I'm not sure, I couldn't verify it]
[10] Thirtieth Demon: O friends, not these sounds; / but let us raise more pleasant ones / and more full of joy (Beethoven, Symphony 9, 4th movement)

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