POEMS GROUP 18: DIMISSIO

DIMISSIO - INTAKE I:

HOW DO YOU LIVE

How do you live
If all's just so fake
How do you live
If nowhere a sign
Nowhere a signal
That somewhere, there's hope
That somewhere, there's union
And somewhere, fulfillment?
And all here to see
Is words all so fake
And actions so empty
And tedious nonsense
Repeated all over -
The small things, suffice they?
The things you enjoy,
What do they contain?
Do they have dimension?
Do they change the world?
Yet why should I care
'Bout what's in the world -
My self is at stake
And losing I am
That's all I can see
And all that's before me:
So what could you say? So what could you do?
The things all around so
Don't matter at all
When done they in stupidest following ways
And oldest traditions
The mightiest evil
And constant betrayal
And sinister captor:
They capture the minds
And empty the souls:
For thinking is killed
And feeling destroyed:
And all that remains,
A powerless nothing,
A zombie-like game,
Just PC and bullshit and empty conventions,
And terms of engagement
And thinking in boxes and concepts and forms
Yet no understanding
Pretension just all -
Yet not thus then called:
We think of us highest
Yet lowest we are
And dirty the game
The killing game
We're killing time
And killing minds
And spirit is lost -
To hell all those sermons and lies and deceptions
All empty they are
The things they denote
Aren't coming from god
Aren't fueled by the spirit
Just man-made they are
And blasphemous lies:
They capture the souls
And capture the spirit
And God thus is killed -
Don't say God is dead
That's vain understatement
Of insight just none:
For God has been killed
Been killed by us
Like Caesar back then
The people's defender
And honorous man,
Was stabbed by his friends
And those wanting war
And cruelest revenge -
Perverted this all
And nobody's fault
The system it is
And all that's to do
Is follow the rules.
The glorious rules.
And then, what about it?
What leave we behind?
What gives us fulfillment?
What have we to do?
Is fake, phony zombiedom
All we can follow
And all we can see?
And all we are pawns
That know not the game
But still think we do
And see not the answer deep down in our hearts?

December 6th, 2001

DIMISSIO - INTAKE II:

DIE

No knife, nor a pistol,
There's nothing at hand,
There's nothing convenient
And nothing here quick -
Though crumbling all down now
And pours through my hands,
The blissfull way out
Can not be accomplished
Though wishful it be -
For what is it worth
When all falls to pieces
For what is it worth
When no one just cares
Nor listen here can -
For who'd understand?
They've all got their problems,
I'd better not mine -
But end it I can't
Though still, each day more,
I want it to end
Or make rules my own
But this then I can't
I'm feeling too much
To just push it through
So into myself
It all crumbles down
And gnaws on me endlessly
When will it end
Make it end
Ease it
Make it
Go
Away
And leave me here
To

December 15th, 2001

DIMISSIO - INTAKE III:

EXPOSITION:

PROLOGOS
ONE
TWO
THREE
EPILOGOS

PROLOGOS

Once all has been said
And all has been done
And all has been noticed
And gone to no end
Once all this is past
So shut it now off
And shut it now down
And stop you the noises
And stop you the influx of things so uncertain
And stop you the masks and pretensions so empty
And stop you the workings undone by the mind
The thinking mind
And feeling heart
And see just through
And walk beyond
And grasp all the things that you thought out of reach
And lower yourself to the simplest of truths
And elevate then just your soul to what's life
And make it come true
The promise you made
By coming to life
By choosing the place
By choosing the time
By choosing the form
To find then the path
And not go astray you
And not to betray you the things that you needed to find for yourself
And find for the others
And make them come true
And make them alive
And make them anew
Uncover the truth and the truth and the lies

ONE

/
Have ever you walked
On the beach
Along the shore of the sea
The wind just in your face
The wind just in your back
The wind just blowing against you
The wind all around you
The wind
Beneath your wings
Your angel wings
And devil eyes
Have ever you felt then
The taste in the air
The salts and the water infused with the oxygen
Have ever you felt then
The sand of the beach
Just under you feet
Your naked feet
For where is the sense
In walking the beach with covered feet?
Have ever then seen you and heard you above you
The birds of the sea
The cries of the birds
The laughter and whining
The fighting for food
The fighting for mates
The fighting and killing and flying and swimming
The beauty within
The cruelest of games
Have ever you heard
The noise of the ocean when kissing the land?
The thunder of waves that no surfer can tame?
Have ever you felt just the peace and the silence in raw such a scene?

//
Have ever you sat
In the desert alone
And been you alone
And been there no company
Other than sand
Other than stones
Other than life that so hidden and tough
Have not then you tried
To actually listen
And hear just this world -
For there is no sound
And there is no noise
And there is no hum not a tiniest click
Drove that not insane you,
May drove it to peace you -
Or tore you to pieces within and without just to wonder
A calm of the dead
A movement of corpses
A grave to the frail
And pain to the living
And sand in your eyes

///
Have ever you stood
In the woods
Not in winter, in springtime or summer
When life's at its fullest and noises are some
But still, ain't there silence
And ain't there just peace?
What peace can it be when all just around
It's eat or be eaten
And fuck or be fucked?
But still, ain't that strange,
How peaceful it looks
How soothing to you
How pleasing the eye
The green of the trees
The green of the bushes
The green of the weeds
The colors of flowers
And animals like
And then, just in winter,
How froze this to death so
And covered in white,
The color of death

TWO

/
Have ever you looked
At star-laden skies
In pitch-black a night
How peaceful they look
These giants of heat
These makers of light
These makers of fire
And makers of life?
How silent, from distance, and small for the eye
The titans' play
Seems small just for us
So small then the place then for us here to be?
And small then the challenges we will encounter?
And small just the things that propel us to life?

//
Have ever you looked
Right down at the world
From mountain-tops far
Or skyscrapers near
And seen you what make we
What call we a culture
And civilization?
So say you, what see we?
And tell you, what do we?
Can see you at all this,
Can things be perceived
That inside the mind,
And outside events
Are those the reflections
And manifestations
And what is just carried within, is without?

///
Have ever you looked
Right up to the world
From places down under
From down on the streets
From down in the sewers
And canals of dirt?
Have ever you judged
The place where you are
Have ever you judged
The places you see just the others to be?
Have ever you felt
The silence within
The silence of coldness
The cold just inside
The cold of the heart
The silence as absence of feelings just all?

THREE

/
Have ever you seen
The pace of the world
A little bit different,
Just slower or faster
Or wound back to time
Or history all
Condensed to one point
And all that once was
And all that will be
Confuse with the now
And mankind is one
And sums not to make
And drawing conclusions
And forming a verdict -
Just how shall it be?
Is innocence given?
Or is it achieved?
Can gained it just be, or is it a dream,
A silent dream,
A dream for the weak and the frail and the losers of life?

//
And see you the might
And see you the power
And see you the force
And see you the muscles and arms and big speeches
And see you the money
And see you the greed
And see you the envy
And see you the forces conjured, not controlled?
And see you the fervor
And see you the anger
And see you the blindness
And see you the wolves that to death send their sheep?
And see you the others
And see you the own
And see you the self
And see you the link, the connection, and one is the same?
And hear you the speeches and blunt explanations
And hear you the talks and discussions all over
And see you the robbers of freedom of mind
And see you the liars and killers of people
And feel you the pain and the fear and confusion
And feel you the impotence, feel you the rage?
And suddenly all
Is one, has to be,
And maybe, what's separate, will once be united
And what was divided
Will stand now together
And white is black
And black is white
And yin is yang
And yang is yin
And you are me
And I am you

///

Have ever you been
Have ever you lived
Have ever you seen
Have ever you heard
Have ever you moved
Have ever you spoken
Have ever you cared
Have ever you loved
Have ever you been

EPILOGOS

And felt you the silence
And felt you the nothing
And felt you the absence
And felt you the everything lying within?
If all has been said, is all repetition?
And must you not learn
And must you not give
But must you not live
In thoughts of your own
But has all been said?
And made all too clear?
Or has it not rather be silenced, ignored,
And walls built around
What seen as a savior, conserver of myths,
And truth seen as something not all can possess?
Can silence be nothing
And everything else
And ever
Be had?

February 14th, 2002