Phil John Kneis:
VERITATIO - NEBULAE III:
DREAMS DEEP DOWN
(ENNEALOGY, PART TWO OF NINE)
Eichwalde, 20th June, 1997 - P#63
Again I check and seek for new,
Again I try to find a clue,
Again for hints I search and go
And look for flurries in the flow
Of times and shades of times again,
Of words and shades of echoes then,
Of truth and hidden meaning still
And try to find to know the will
That leads this all and hides so well,
That sees this all and will not tell
What just exactly lies behind,
What just exactly I would find
When I now turned around to gaze
And try to start a fury chase
Of thoughts against mere shadows but,
To open doors which were to shut
And not to enter, not to see -
All past themes do I want to flee,
All past ideas leave behind,
With future then to fill my mind.
A glance behind, just to make sure,
One to the side to see the lure
That darkness wants me follow now.
But what I use is not a tow,
Not thick a rope, not even strong,
But what I know: It is not wrong.
A tiny thread I follow straight,
But what a threat there will await
And laugh at me, I just don't know,
But those are thoughts that times ago
And not to mention here to seem.
To follow nebulae and steam
Could lead to places that I seek,
A place that showed where I was weak,
A place that showed what I denied,
A place that showed what demons lied
And fooled me down my dreams at days,
That showed me all the handsome ways
Which neat and tidy used to look,
And methods that looked by the book.
Am tired now of games and lies,
Am tired now of useless tries,
Just tired now of false replies
Am tired now of past denies.
The shades of shadows I now see,
I hear them calling, shout at me,
I see them waving like before,
I feel them touching me once more.
And fire starts to come to me,
This is a time I cannot flee,
A time when thoughts are down, are gone,
A time when sleep has almost won
And is to carry me away,
Away to places where to stay
At daytime I would never care,
And not at all that strangest flair
And sounds and smells then hear and feel -
The dreams take over and soon steal
The thoughts of mine and wishes deep -
And life itself falls into sleep.
At daylight I just used to cloak
And not remember which dreams woke
Like nightmares me out of my peace -
And now around they come to tease
My mind to see what I would say,
To see if I would turn away
And try to lie to dreams of mine
And try to step aback to whine
And to forget what aims I had,
Just to deny what once but fled
To mind and soul, to soul and mind -
It's easy to ignore that kind
Of unpleasant and nasty things
That crawl around, but no one thinks
Of things he sees and hears all day,
Of things he meets on ev'ry way,
Of things that used to be just clear
And not to doubt and not to fear;
Those things that not to prove just are,
On darkened skies they seem a star.
Deep down the quarrels do not end,
Deep down I cannot use a hand
Or body force to clarify -
The choir of questions, what, when, why,
Is drumming deafly there and dark.
Where is the end? Where lies the mark
That makes the time and takes the life?
That takes me down when I just thrive?
But when - to ask - should it be right?
Which time would be a one I liked?
Just don't pretend to know one thing,
Just don't ignore the angel's wing
That all the times took care of all -
But now, when all the walls to fall
And all the bridges seem to fade
And all the questions to debate
And all the efforts to combine
And all to leave which once was mine
And all to think at once that day -
And all the times will fade away.
In dreams deep down I feel the truth,
The dreams deep down now try to soothe
My mind, and all the worldliest shapes
Will something be that far just waits
To see me then. And all the fears
Seem foolish then. And all the tears
Will vanish soon and hope will spread.
What dangers wait, what deadly threat?
I laugh at these! Whom shall I fear.
The Lord again just seems so near,
Not far is He, not fantasy,
Nor is He myth, nor fools he thee.
A calming voice, a guiding hand,
A voice that calls me to His land
Just when He wants me to return.
But first I am alive to learn
And see the World and feel His breath.
This knowledge now just laughs at death
And shadows flee and leave the night -
So that at last I'll see the light.
April 2th, 1999